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jordanrubin

  1. I can't believe she broke it with a fart. Odd PR choice. http://twitpic.com/p4h5o 9:20 AM Nov 11th from Twittelator
  2. Lord, please let the actor who plays the bad guy in Karate Kid title his autobiography "Sweep the Leg" 8:13 AM Nov 11th from Twittelator
  3. Nothing kills your game like being dropped off by your mom. Even Robert Pattinson would be cock blocked. 11:59 PM Nov 10th from Twittelator
  4. People in elevators who blast music through their earphones never seem to have good taste in music. 9:31 AM Nov 10th from Twittelator
  5. Why do children like Monopoly? "Hey kids, you know how you have no concept of the value of money? Well check this out!" 7:10 AM Nov 10th from Twittelator
  6. When I die and my life flashes before my eyes, I really hope I don't have to watch the masturbation parts. 4:25 AM Nov 10th from Twittelator
  7. Ants can lift 50 times their own body weight, but their arms are really sore the next day. 5:56 PM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  8. There are eight million stories in the Naked City. So why are old drunks at bars always slurring the same ones? 5:45 PM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  9. Those playmates from Sweden with the blowjob-giving addiction should be ringing my doorbell soon. http://twitpic.com/oy1zw 5:34 PM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  10. Why does the barber show me the back of my head with a mirror after he cuts it? "No good. Put some hair back." 2:41 PM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  11. In armor, I bet you could get away with killing the staff at Medieval Times for a good half-hour without repercussions. 7:40 AM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  12. Do black people feel safer when they see a white guy walking towards them in a dark alley? 6:43 AM Nov 9th from Twittelator
  13. When public speaking at a nudist colony, I bet that whole "picture them naked" technique doesn't work worth a shit. 9:08 PM Nov 8th from Twittelator
  14. Whenever someone walks in on me masturbating, I just pretend to be finishing polishing my penis. Works every time. 12:41 PM Nov 8th from Twittelator
  15. I started taking a Lamaz class just to get better at farting. 12:40 PM Nov 8th from Twittelator
  16. There are tons of nooks in my English Muffin this morning, but they really seem to be skimping on the crannies. 4:48 AM Nov 8th from Twittelator
  17. The fact that this was taken without irony and is hanging in a barbershop means god exists. http://twitpic.com/ontxh 1:16 PM Nov 7th from Twittelator
  18. Why are there so many chickens named Marsala? 10:06 AM Nov 7th from Twittelator
  19. Did the Yankees win? (I'm referring to The North in the Civil War. I suck at history.) 5:50 PM Nov 6th from Twittelator
  20. "Deep coma" seems redundant. People don't have light comas. "How you feeling?" "Meh. I think I'm coming down with a coma." 8:01 AM Nov 6th from web