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jordanrubin

  1. It seems like all this Bonzo character ever does is sleep. 40 minutes ago from Twittelator
  2. Am I my brother's keeper? Nope. I really don't feel like cleaning out a grown man's cage. about 12 hours ago from Twittelator
  3. Is there some law in Manhattan that requires all people with the flu to cough near my face? about 12 hours ago from Twittelator
  4. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, thanks for letting down your hair. But for the love of Christ, please trim your bush. 9:29 PM Nov 15th from Twittelator
  5. Referring to women as "bitches" is definitely one of Jay-Z's 99 problems. 2:43 PM Nov 15th from Twittelator
  6. This is not an admission of guilt, but this whole "Who Farted?" campaign really feels like an unnecessary witch hunt. 1:44 PM Nov 15th from Twittelator
  7. Made a citizen's cardiac arrest today. 1:26 PM Nov 15th from Twittelator
  8. It's hard to decide when to put your dog to sleep. It's probably best to wait until his or her bedtime. 6:35 PM Nov 14th from Twittelator
  9. I fake my orgasms when masturbating. 3:35 PM Nov 14th from Twittelator
  10. Here's an exclusive sneak peek at my new winter line of tweets: "Do you ever..." More to come! 1:23 PM Nov 14th from Twittelator
  11. Hey little buddy. You'll protect me from the world, right? http://twitpic.com/pi94u 10:02 AM Nov 14th from Twittelator
  12. You never hear of a Hulk that's just 'credible.' 12:41 AM Nov 14th from Twittelator
  13. Haaa. Some fag is blasting Miley's "Party in the USA" inside my earphones. Loser. 6:26 PM Nov 13th from Twittelator
  14. If I could start my life over, knowing what I know now, I guarantee I'd be walking at 3 months. 5:53 PM Nov 13th from Twittelator
  15. Decided to stop by Taco Bell on your way home from The Apple Store? There's a crap for that. 8:18 AM Nov 13th from Twittelator
  16. French people are cool. #indiemoviecliche 5:21 PM Nov 12th from Twittelator
  17. Vincent Gallo's penis. #indiemoviecliche 5:15 PM Nov 12th from Twittelator
  18. Wind. #indiemoviecliche 5:10 PM Nov 12th from Twittelator
  19. Apple just released a new iTunes update while releasing a new iTunes update. 8:17 AM Nov 12th from Twittelator
  20. Let's introduce more of the Thanksgiving crew. That's aunt Helen on passive-aggressive comments, nephew Noah on teen angst. 7:12 AM Nov 12th from Twittelator