Walked through toy aisle at Target looking for dish towels. Tempted by Nerf's 2012 lineup, but compromised with the towels & Pizza Pringles.

Always titties. Every day we have to decide to show or hide them. Everyday with the titties. Titties are the best though. #titties #Poem

I don't think anyone is going to enjoy 'The Grey' more than the person who taught a young Liam Neeson how to do the hokey pokey.

#ff @AlbertBrooks @kylekinane @VeronicaHeath1 @Zucherman @jessicomic @myqkaplan @ladybirdj

Old jogger dudes got them moobs like Jagger.

"This is how we doodoo it!" -Montell Jordan as a baby, filling up his diaper.

Is anyone live-tweeting Jeopardy? I got up to pee & this guy has $2k more than before. I guess he knows a lot about reptiles and Cincinnati.

I don't care if I'm late to the party, this is amazing: Leslie David Baker "2 Be Simple" Ft. N.U.M. youtube.com/watch?v=KX5xh4… #HIJK

I eat chicken wings like a hostage trying to turn a doorknob with his mouth.

Marg Helgenberger is leaving CSI after 12 seasons. I hope this means we'll get another Spice Girls reunion tour. #spiceworldtoo

#ff @aspecialthing @JasperRedd @drewharmon @meganganz @barvonblaq @nottjmiller @jackiekashian

#ff @andyerikson @VeronicaHeath1 @RonFunches @mattruby @fahimanwar @ChelseaVPeretti

#ff @peteholmez @nickthune Excellent show, gents. #YMIW #extracrispy youmadeitweird.libsyn.com/webpage/nick-t…

This fall on NBC: Hardcastle and Mrs. Dash! #MustResolveDVRConflictTV

Can't wait for the new NBC dramedy 'Wednesday Night Lights.' #WNL

A dozen kids in my building made tiny, tiny snowmen. Tomorrow, they'll all wake up to my majestic Voltron Snowman. #DefenderoftheSnowniverse

Great #GoldenGlobes this year. @rickygervais is the Egg McMuffin of hosting.

The Da Vinci A La Mode #booksyoucaneat

#ff @VeronicaHeath1 @jessicomic @Erik_Allen @peteholmez @Zucherman @Arbys