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jonathaneunice

  1. Best "please fill out our CAPTCHA" request EVAR: "Prove you’re not an evil donkey"
  2. The Wife: Drat! We're out of almonds! Me: This moment will always be remembered as when green beans with pecans became a culinary Thing.
  3. Oh. My. Gawd. http://clientsfromhell.tumb... So. Frighteningly. Real. If you need me, I'll just be over here, sobbing in the corner.
  4. @westvillagedyke Actually, I don't use pickup lines. Ever. I've never been single. Not in my adult life, at any rate.
  5. The problem with eating a Lean Cuisine for lunch: First thought afterwards is "What's for lunch?"
  6. .@westvillagedyke "You have a stunning pour" is my new favorite pickup line. You know... if I used pickup lines.
  7. "maybe the artists made paintings that defied anyone to steal them" -- from Emily Yoffe's scathing review of Prague http://is.gd/4YVHX
  8. Just in convenience store. Guy ahead of me bought a porn magazine. As in, printed on paper. It's like the Internet had never been invented!
  9. @yowhatsthehaps Also: Diddle. Doodle.
  10. @timorousme You're not recreationly abusing chemotherapy drugs again, are you?
  11. @SinxKitten That's not a phrase one often hears. Except in stories about Ed Gein, I mean.
  12. @Helzerman Yes, the freaky just-like-me-but-it's-not-me at IBM's #Connect09 event. So who's The Real Slim Shady now?
  13. @hoosiergirl Congratulations on beautiful new Hoosierlings. PS How long WILL they live in a closet?
  14. Said: "Your question is a really interesting one! Thank you for asking!" Translated: "You are dumber than a bag of hammers. Dumb hammers."
  15. RT @irreverentwidow: IW Prediction: In a few months, scientists will discover that sex and bombay sapphire martinis provide immunization ...
  16. There's a video playing here. The speaker sounds exactly like me. Exactly. But it's not me. Since you asked: Yes, it is freaking me out.
  17. This elevator is suffused with the smell of bacon. Bacon bacon bacon! Not such a bad thing, huh?
  18. @goodmonkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwp5m (via http://is.gd/4Xon3)
  19. @monkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwoxd (via http://is.gd/4Xon3)
  20. @badmonkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwo9c (via http://is.gd/4Xon3)