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jonathaneunice

  1. Best "please fill out our CAPTCHA" request EVAR: "Prove you’re not an evil donkey" about 3 hours ago from web
  2. The Wife: Drat! We're out of almonds! Me: This moment will always be remembered as when green beans with pecans became a culinary Thing. about 16 hours ago from Birdhouse
  3. Oh. My. Gawd. http://clientsfromhell.tumb... So. Frighteningly. Real. If you need me, I'll just be over here, sobbing in the corner. 9:49 AM Nov 20th from web
  4. @westvillagedyke Actually, I don't use pickup lines. Ever. I've never been single. Not in my adult life, at any rate. 10:12 AM Nov 19th from web in reply to westvillagedyke
  5. The problem with eating a Lean Cuisine for lunch: First thought afterwards is "What's for lunch?" 9:56 AM Nov 19th from web
  6. .@westvillagedyke "You have a stunning pour" is my new favorite pickup line. You know... if I used pickup lines. 9:52 AM Nov 19th from web
  7. "maybe the artists made paintings that defied anyone to steal them" -- from Emily Yoffe's scathing review of Prague http://is.gd/4YVHX 9:26 AM Nov 19th from web
  8. Just in convenience store. Guy ahead of me bought a porn magazine. As in, printed on paper. It's like the Internet had never been invented! 7:40 PM Nov 18th from Birdhouse
  9. @yowhatsthehaps Also: Diddle. Doodle. 3:50 PM Nov 18th from Tweetie in reply to yowhatsthehaps
  10. @timorousme You're not recreationly abusing chemotherapy drugs again, are you? 3:37 PM Nov 18th from Tweetie in reply to timorousme
  11. @SinxKitten That's not a phrase one often hears. Except in stories about Ed Gein, I mean. 3:30 PM Nov 18th from Tweetie in reply to SinxKitten
  12. @Helzerman Yes, the freaky just-like-me-but-it's-not-me at IBM's #Connect09 event. So who's The Real Slim Shady now? 12:34 PM Nov 18th from Seesmic in reply to Helzerman
  13. @hoosiergirl Congratulations on beautiful new Hoosierlings. PS How long WILL they live in a closet? 11:12 AM Nov 18th from Seesmic in reply to hoosiergirl
  14. Said: "Your question is a really interesting one! Thank you for asking!" Translated: "You are dumber than a bag of hammers. Dumb hammers." 10:05 AM Nov 18th from Seesmic
  15. RT @irreverentwidow: IW Prediction: In a few months, scientists will discover that sex and bombay sapphire martinis provide immunization ... 9:22 AM Nov 18th from web
  16. There's a video playing here. The speaker sounds exactly like me. Exactly. But it's not me. Since you asked: Yes, it is freaking me out. 8:21 AM Nov 18th from Seesmic
  17. This elevator is suffused with the smell of bacon. Bacon bacon bacon! Not such a bad thing, huh? 6:59 AM Nov 18th from Seesmic
  18. @goodmonkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwp5m (via http://is.gd/4Xon3) 1:32 PM Nov 17th from web
  19. @monkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwoxd (via http://is.gd/4Xon3) 1:30 PM Nov 17th from web
  20. @badmonkchips I made this for you: http://twitpic.com/pwo9c (via http://is.gd/4Xon3) 1:27 PM Nov 17th from web