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  1. "Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"4:13 AM Dec 7th, 2007 from web
  2. "Knock knock" ..... "Who's there?" ..... "Control Freak, and now you say Control Freak who?"3:13 AM Dec 7th, 2007 from web
  3. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.2:13 AM Dec 7th, 2007 from web
  4. I'm a dyslexic Satanist, I worship the drivel. ~Linda Smith9:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  5. The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"8:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  6. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.7:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  7. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! We don't serve food here."6:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  8. My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her "You're eleven, make your own!" ~Jeremy Hardy5:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  9. You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War. ~Jeremy Hardy4:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  10. What's the difference between God and a medical school graduate? ... God doesn't think he's a doctor.3:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  11. People knock ASBOs but you have to bear in mind they are the only qualification some of these kids are going to get. ~Linda Smith2:13 AM Dec 6th, 2007 from web
  12. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." How's that?" Don't you start."9:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  13. My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." ~Tommy Cooper8:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  14. A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."7:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  15. If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.6:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  16. My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel. ~Tommy Cooper5:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  17. Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? .... A. "Smells like carrots."4:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  18. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.3:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  19. How manys surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Calligraphy2:13 AM Dec 5th, 2007 from web
  20. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.11:13 AM Dec 4th, 2007 from web