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JimGaffigan

  1. At the point I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of being overwhelmed.
  2. Foxwoods this Saturday. All the cool people are going to be there. AC in a couple of weeks. say.ly/oCb3rds
  3. My wife is six months pregnant. Now she knows how I feel.
  4. Bravo. Vote for @ToddGlass starting May 31st. say.ly/kTU3qu5
  5. I'm just glad i dont have to seek approval from strangers on the internet.
  6. Wait, it's GAIN weight for the summer, right. Not lose weight, right? #pleasebegainweightforthesummer.
  7. BREAKING: i've started to lie about who's opening for me at Foxwood Casino this Saturday! say.ly/OmL3qsM
  8. BREAKING: The @realDonaldTrump to open for me at Foxwoods Casino this Saturday Night! say.ly/nlo3qsE
  9. Daily Show writer&patriot @kevinbleyer has rewritten the Constitution. The least you could do is read it: amzn.to/K0wYsl
  10. I haven't been hungry for like a year.
  11. It’s not that I forgot your name, it’s just I thought you might have changed yours.
  12. Being a father is a lot like being the least powerful Vice President in history.
  13. When is it going to be the beautiful people’s turn? How about letting them be on the cover of a magazine or sing a pop song?