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jillprovost

  1. Why? Why is everything so much harder when you're sick?
  2. Reporting for jury duty at the civil court is so demeaning. What, I'm not good enough for criminal cases?
  3. AZ desert = old people + cacti that look like old people.
  4. @McShowoff is doing 100mph in the AZ desert so he can't hit me right now.
  5. @McShowoff is complaining that I just made him sound gay.
  6. @McShowoff is jumbo-jumboing with Lionel Richie.
  7. Does eating Triscuit tuna melts for breakfast make me white trash or just disgusting? Either way, I am in heaven.
  8. Get it out of my head: http://tinyurl.com/7f7rbt
  9. Just realized my shrink is following me on Twitter. Does that make me funny-crazy or just someone to keep tabs on at all times?
  10. So glad I just poured a pot of boiling water onto my thigh. Also, glad shorts season is almost over. Don't think blisters are in.
  11. @awryone The New York Times will one day report that Nader is and always has been a raging closet Republican.
  12. @mcshowoff There's nothing better than defiling your own digits.
  13. @mcshowoff I thought the question in Chicago was where can't you get crack?
  14. I just told my editor I would go to a female ejaculation workshop if she wanted me to. I'm pretty sure that constitutes whoring myself out.
  15. Luckily, she said she couldn't assign it to someone she actually knows.
  16. @mcshowoff Thank god you've plenty to spare.
  17. Double vision and heart palpitations almost take the fun out of coffee.
  18. @mcshowoff Man forced to live in airport. Sounds like the plot of a bad movie. Oh, wait. It is.
  19. Is this the gene pool I might be dipping in to if I have kids? Note to self: double up on condoms.
  20. It's shocking, just SHOCKING, that it didn't pan out. Luckily, sister has a plan C: ask parents for money.