jesselcairns
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Only in Elk Hgrove will you see a PT Cruiser... with a pit bull inside. Nobody is fooled, jerkoff.
about 21 hours ago
from txt
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You suck, USPS. Epic fail.
about 22 hours ago
from txt
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Madness at the ski expo. Line to redeem lift tix stretched around facility. We barged, shot the line and escaped. Success.
12:38 PM Nov 21st
from txt
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15 things about me that will make you shake your head:
1:25 AM Nov 21st
from web
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I don't know what's worse; that I picked against Oakland, that I had no problems in doing so, or that I was so unsurprised by their loss.
4:44 PM Nov 15th
from web
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Good dinner. Buying my wife a new purse. And now, date night at the huge disaster flick "2012." it's a good Saturday night.
7:42 PM Nov 14th
from txt
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If you don't already have a low opinion of ghetto folk, watching back-to-back episodes of "The Maury Povich Show" will fix that.
4:06 PM Nov 2nd
from web
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About 10 hours into NaNoWriMo and I have about 3,200 words. Things are going well, but I need to put the pedal to the metal tomorrow.
6:03 PM Nov 1st
from web
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I'm always very paranoid about people coughing in public every tome I re-read Stephen King's "The Stand." Sure is a lot of potential doom.
1:01 PM Oct 31st
from txt
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Buckhorn tri-tip for last meal before the quad-extraction of wisdom teeth tomorrow. Nervous. Who wouldn't be? Deep breaths.
6:02 PM Oct 29th
from txt
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I'd rather write books about supernatural horror than economic horror, even though the latter is obviously much more terrifying.
1:21 PM Oct 22nd
from txt
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Trying to find help at Walmart is like trying to find hope at Walmart. Good luck, pal.
6:14 PM Oct 10th
from txt
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You can't wear a collared shirt under a basketball jersey. You just can't. FASHION FAIL.
1:05 PM Oct 9th
from txt
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Ah, "Dancing With The Stars." I may have lost "Eureka" and "Warehouse 13" to Re-Run Hell, but you're still with me... for ten weeks or so.
8:42 PM Sep 23rd
from web
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For a good time, go to and prepare to be amazed by the copious amounts of awe-inspiring FAIL FAIL FAIL.
10:00 AM Sep 18th
from web
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A person can call information, but generally won't. They get exactly what they deserve.
11:21 AM Sep 10th
from txt
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A woman who is eight months pregnant should never be sporting a whale-tail thong. Never. Under no circumstances. Ever.
3:41 PM Sep 3rd
from txt
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Being told you'll eat irradiated food in the future is like cracking open a tragicomic fortune cookie. Welcome to my world.
8:03 AM Sep 2nd
from txt
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One four-way intersection. Three losers holding signs and begging. The old saying is right: there's always room for one more.
12:45 PM Aug 31st
from txt
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Spotted a Volvo station wagon with licence plate holder adorned with skulls. Some people don't know a lost cause when they see one.
2:52 PM Aug 28th
from txt
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- Name Jesse L. Cairns
- Location Sacramento, CA
- Web http://zombiegoat...
- Bio Writer, musician, bus driver. Author of Salvation, The Final Nine & The Phoenix Initiative.
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