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JerryThomas

  1. While life may be like a box of chocolates, Forrest himself was more like a box of doorknobs. about 3 hours ago from web
  2. If Star Wars had been set in Chinatown, Princess Leia would have said, "Luke, I'm your mother AND your sister!" about 13 hours ago from web
  3. I just connected randomly with this band here on Twitter. Cool stuff. Check out @TheHeartSleeves http://tinyurl.com/knkb7p 9:23 AM Nov 27th from web
  4. Another good way to annoy people is to climb Mt. Everest and then turn to the guy next to you and say, "Well, it's all downhill from here." 8:07 AM Nov 27th from web
  5. I think I'm automatically smarter than everyone on Twitter who asks me to take an IQ test. 8:11 PM Nov 26th from web
  6. Because Free Universal Health Care is a Basic Human Right. Now give me my 187 bottles of cough syrup and stop asking questions. 8:07 PM Nov 26th from web
  7. I should try to get a job with a nonprofit, because I'm really good at that. 7:46 PM Nov 26th from web
  8. I'm going through my Fat Elvis period. Minus the Elvis part. 7:07 PM Nov 26th from web
  9. Stop using hashtags! #stopusinghashtags 6:37 AM Nov 26th from web
  10. Darth Vader was just another absentee father. 10:06 PM Nov 25th from web
  11. Bees are really into crowdsourcing honey. 7:55 AM Nov 25th from web
  12. Let's make this simpler: Everybody meet at the airport security line, and we'll have Thanksgiving dinner there. 5:42 AM Nov 25th from web
  13. I'd shut off my computer and go to bed but there might be something else on the Internet I haven't seen yet. 11:51 PM Nov 24th from web
  14. Origami experts prefer quality paper to pudding, because it's hard to get tapioca to hold a crease. 11:00 PM Nov 24th from web
  15. If reality were covered with Velcro, it would be easier to grasp. 10:43 AM Nov 23rd from web
  16. Just watched the clip... I think that dancer was only trying to help Mr. Lambert tie his shoe. 8:39 AM Nov 23rd from web
  17. H1N1 would be a lot more fun if it didn't make people sick. And also, if it tasted like waffles. 6:05 AM Nov 23rd from web
  18. On my deathbed, just before I die, I'm going to go, "JAZZ HANDS!" and then keel over. Or such is my plan. 8:16 PM Nov 22nd from web
  19. What I Learned Today: Although the box says "Ages 6 And Up," My Little Meth Lab is nevertheless deemed an inappropriate gift. 8:11 PM Nov 22nd from web
  20. My sources indicate that it's not a waffle shortage. It's a maple syrup glut. 9:41 AM Nov 20th from web