jekelish
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slowly begin to introduce small doses of poison into my food over a period of time.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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The National Spelling Bee always provides the best comedy when the kids try to high five each other.
about 5 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Coach K wants you to know everyone else is playing for 2nd place on that one.
about 5 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to ESPNHomeCourt
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I spend most of my time these days just waiting for the perfect moment to roll my eyes and say, "That's not how shoes work."
about 8 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Psst, I feel I should point out, Jordan scored 63, not 66. "Got it! 63 for Jordan!"
about 19 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to PipsBadIdeas
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GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!
about 22 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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I think my favorite part of Terrell Owens getting cut by an IFL team is the fact that he was a partial owner of that team.
11:10 AM May 30th
via Twitter for iPad
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I'm deddicating this tweet too today's Scripps Nashunal Speling Bee.
10:29 AM May 30th
via Twitter for iPad
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@ I'm happy to say I got the reference. "What did you do in the States, study physical education?"
1:57 PM May 29th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to Puddinstrip
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Hey, anyone know of any good online zombie novels? Bullshit you do, that was a trick question.
11:38 AM May 29th
via Twitter for iPhone
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So I wrote this thing about some stuff for @. If you can read, you should do so here:
11:21 AM May 29th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Twitter is basically just a giant "White people walk like this, but black people walk like this!" joke brainstorming session, isn't it?
10:27 AM May 29th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ @ A-Rod, Ortiz, Chipper?
5:59 AM May 29th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to jaysonst
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I bet T. Boone Pickens really wishes he had one less "o" in his name.
8:41 PM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Appearing in Franklin and Bash must be Malcolm McDowell's punishment for all of those awful things he did in A Clockwork Orange.
10:45 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My grandfather's stories about his time in WW2 are the reason I majored in history with an emphasis on WW2 and the Holocaust.
10:27 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Today I remember my late grandfather John Kelly, who fought in the Battle of the Bulge and whose platoon liberated a concentration camp.
10:26 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I always spend 10 minutes deciding which hot dogs to buy before realizing they're all made out of lips and assholes so it doesn't matter.
9:50 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Spotted: a guy putting on gloves in 85 degree heat going into a convenience store. Nothing suspicious there.
8:06 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My favorite thing about holidays is that there's no one at the bank to witness me robbing it.
7:31 AM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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- Name The Jeff Kelly
- Location Nice try, Probst...
- Web http://www.gunaxi...
- Bio As a matter of fact I CAN eat a whole jar of peanut butter.
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