Trainers hate me, because I'm a Utah mom who learned this one trick to whiten my teeth, pay $5 for car insurance, and weigh 180, bench 430.

Just heard a sad statistic: 3 out of 4 individuals dress like homeless people in the wintertime.

@nerdist No joke. Just got your book in the mail and while I was reading it on my lunch break a guy in a jedi outfit walked in. #signs

@rickymartin this is the real me...unlike you...ricky

How many twitter resurrections can I experience before I should just stay down for good?

I'm starting National Novel Writing Month. Hmmm...what idea should I write? #jeffsnovel

Oh how I've longed to have my Facebook and Twitter accounts successfully merged. One day.

New Evidence Proves First Flag Made By Betsy Ross Actually Shirt For Gay Friend http://onion.com/9ybe3k

Hey for all ya'll who are following my jeffblake5000 profile...Don't! It's boring. This is the real deal.

@bmerritt I saw you across the room, and was wondering why you looked so weird. #badconversationstarters

I'm back.

@Lascurettes Grazie!

Diss wurkin'?

So many good movies at the dollar theater tonight! Who wants to go!?

I posted 5 photos on Facebook in the album "Gallery" http://fb.me/4FEtJCx

Cockney street thugs...the most annoying of all movie villains.

@briblake What the HECK? Is that second one real?

@KCBlake @BriBlake - I'm back on the Tweet!

@WillRubio. What was that Shaun Pic about?