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Ireland
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United States
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JDerrisWard

  1. Drinkin'. When nothing else goes right, put the bottom of a glass in your sights. #poetry #amiright 11:52 PM May 12th via Twitter for iPhone
  2. There is no coffee or energy drink as potent as the natural cocaine-like boost of energy I get right before bed. 2:36 AM May 9th via web
  3. @PFTompkins I am now caught up on Tompcast. How do I rid myself of this crippling ennui? 12:15 PM May 3rd via Twitter for iPhone
  4. Someday I hope to give a speech at an all-female conference of microbiologists just so I can open with, "Good evening, ladies and germs." 10:33 AM May 3rd via Twitter for iPhone
  5. If you think texting while driving is dangerous, try playing DrawSomething. 4:23 PM May 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  6. The Crescent Sailboat was the creation of engineer Dick Hill, who also designed the lesser known theme park ride, "Cock Mountain". #bocorr 4:29 PM Apr 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  7. The Bounty was taken bloodlessly, despite the myth that Fletcher Christian's paper towel company was named after the cleanup. #bocorr 11:48 AM Apr 26th via Twitter for iPhone
  8. You don't have to be gorgeous to be a knockout. Technically, you just have to get me on the mat three times. 2:50 PM Apr 25th via Twitter for iPhone
  9. MiniDisc, you were a plucky young format, but you went the way of Betamax, Laserdisc, & 70's bush when the 00's came around. #bocorr 12:51 PM Apr 25th via web
  10. I knew my gf had moved in when 100s of pink bottles claimed sovereignty over the bathroom, squeezing out the indigenous nudie mags. #bocorr 1:46 PM Apr 24th via web
  11. There will always be Hope in Kansas. Unless you're pro-science education. Then there will always be 'go fuck yourself' in Kansas." #bocorr 1:06 PM Apr 23rd via web
  12. It's a great day to mow the yard without a shirt on. I hope the redhead down the street thinks so, too. 11:17 AM Apr 23rd via web
  13. I turned down the brightness on my computer screen. #EarthDay 4:25 PM Apr 22nd via web
  14. KFC is fundraising to fight juvenile diabetes. My dad would buy my mom a gift after hitting her, too. 2:35 PM Apr 21st via Twitter for iPhone
  15. Live the life you want and the right person will find you, he thought halfway through the bucket of chicken. 11:59 AM Apr 21st via Twitter for iPhone
  16. @TheAAronSheehan Weirdest drunk Viking masturbatory porn? How To Stain Your Flagon. 7:24 PM Apr 20th via Twitter for iPhone in reply to TheAAronSheehan
  17. The Wonder Years theme was right. I will get by with a little help from my friends. And an inner monologue voiced by Daniel Stern. 4:37 PM Apr 20th via Twitter for iPhone
  18. Sam Jackson would've had Chris Tucker on a giant chain by the end of that movie. #bocorr 12:58 PM Apr 20th via web
  19. "Get this muthafuckin' alien redhead outta my muthafuckin' cab!" #bocorr 12:57 PM Apr 20th via web