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jarlady

  1. Taco Tuesday isn't as delicious as expected. YET. 7:15 PM Dec 8th from web
  2. OH: 'She's trying to pick btwn Kevin and Travis so she made a list. They have the same personality. Neither have jobs.' 4:07 PM Dec 4th from TwitterBerry
  3. I have the Whine Flu. It doesn't seem to be contagious, but my shrieking will raise your blood pressure. 10:00 AM Nov 30th from web
  4. If I turn on ABC Family and a movie is in its opening credits, I'm sold. 8:03 PM Nov 28th from TwitterBerry
  5. According to the cans on my desk, I can only drink 7oz of sparkling water at a time. According to the fat on my ass, pizza has no limits. 2:21 PM Nov 23rd from web
  6. First world problem: On the dance floor, every time a flash goes off I fear I've been tagged in a facebook photo. 9:56 PM Nov 21st from TwitterBerry
  7. Note to self: Do not engage waspy friend's waspier roommate in feminist debate at 2am. This goes double when crashing at said wasps' nest. 1:12 AM Nov 21st from TwitterBerry
  8. Stranger: 'OMG! I love your outfit!' Me: 'Thanks.' S: 'Do you live in Chicago?' Me: 'Mpls.' S: 'Wisconsin?' Me: 'Same thing.' 11:49 PM Nov 20th from TwitterBerry
  9. As he butchered 'American Pie,' she put her arm around my ribs and said, 'Come on now, let's dance like the hags that we are.' I said, 'OK.' 11:13 PM Nov 20th from TwitterBerry
  10. 3 notes. 'What is this?' He asks. ''One Headlight,'' I say. Am I victorious or am I ashamed? You be the judge. 10:23 PM Nov 20th from TwitterBerry
  11. A very short (true) story [e.zimmerman]: She told a joke and I laughed too loudly. 'It wasn't that funny,' she said. 'OK. Sorry,' I replied. 8:52 PM Nov 20th from TwitterBerry
  12. "Constantly in the darkness; where's that at? If you want me I'll be at the bar." Which is to say, I'm on vacation!!! 7:46 PM Nov 19th from TwitterBerry
  13. At first the vibrating office building was a distraction. Then I decided to sit on the floor. Problem solved. 10:35 AM Nov 17th from web
  14. Nothing like a weekend of puppy pandemonium to make me grateful for not having any babies. Or dogs. Basically any live responsibilities. 8:30 AM Nov 17th from web
  15. I may be notoriously early-to-bed, but I still get invited out bc of the public service: No one leaves the ladies' rm w/me w/tp on her shoe. 8:46 PM Nov 14th from TwitterBerry
  16. Just got rickrolled at yoga. 5:04 AM Nov 6th from TwitterBerry
  17. Whenever lovelorn ladies seek my advice about some bonehead dude I have only one response: Fuck him. Then fuck 'im. 5:23 PM Nov 5th from TwitterBerry
  18. 'Why doesn't he just rip your pants off?' -'He doesn't have to rip them off! I never have them on.' 4:26 PM Nov 5th from TwitterBerry
  19. Is olfactory cacophony a thing? If not, this bus just invented it. 6:35 AM Nov 4th from TwitterBerry
  20. 6 hrs ago I wrote a now-perplexing item on my todo list. Is this why you're not supposed to make contact with your time traveling alt self? 1:23 PM Nov 2nd from web