jamesmalach
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Now totally suffering from 'Amsterdam Flu'. Same symptoms as normal flu, but the hallucinatory pink elephants are somehow more terrifying.
about 9 hours ago
from web
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Toasted... Niiiiiiicely Toasted!
about 23 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Updating Twitter while sat in The Grasshopper, Amsterdam - getting high & watching random people sat getting high & updating Twitter.
11:02 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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Airport customs not appreciating me explaining the only excess baggage I'm carrying is mental trauma associated with jobsworths in uniform.
6:43 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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I think my new haircut is testimony to fact that gay hairdressers should not 'Do The Locomotion' just because it comes on the bloody radio.
9:28 AM Nov 12th
from Tweetie
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Feelin' grebby after munching the plain Cheetos the Polish guy sold me for 99p & realising they were in fact polystyrene 'packing peanuts'.
11:09 AM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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Absolutely flabbergasted after seeing the size and dangle factor of Rhesus Monkey testicles. They should cover them up with banana hammocks.
2:00 AM Nov 9th
from Tweetie
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Wow! 20 years since David Hasselhoff single-handedly ended scourge of Communism by singing 'Looking For Freedom' on top of Berlin Wall.
2:19 PM Nov 8th
from Tweetie
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Just awoken from strange dream where I could control the direction of the worlds stock markets with my magic swanee whistle.
12:03 AM Nov 6th
from web
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Today I learned that watching fireworks outside window while chopping veg with cleaver is bad combo. Bolognaise now has TWO types of mince!
12:02 PM Nov 5th
from Tweetie
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My mum has returned from South African safari and brought me paper made from elephant dung. Exploring feasibility of producing my own brand.
3:34 AM Nov 5th
from web
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Looking at world's tallest woman in Sainsburys although fact she's wearing very long overcoat leads me to think it might just be 3 midgets.
7:44 AM Nov 4th
from Tweetie
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Sitting in pensioners vegetarian cafe watching them eat strained carrot with tune of Wagners 'Ride Of The Valkyries' blaring in background.
4:46 AM Nov 2nd
from Tweetie
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As comfy as loose-fitting trunks are, I didn't enjoy swimming in your testicular slipstream despite finding the swaying action mesmerizing.
10:53 AM Oct 28th
from web
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Just been overtaken by crazy old lady riding Shopmobility cart on road. Her wrinkly face was one of grim determination as she whirred past.
5:14 AM Oct 28th
from Tweetie
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I have now surpassed the fortieth hour of awakeness. Unsure if my new leprechaun sidekick is mere hallucination or something more sinister.
2:45 PM Oct 27th
from web
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Looking forward to eating my cleaners pie tonight. It's extra crusty and has mushrooms inside it.
8:36 AM Oct 23rd
from web
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Watched BNP leader Mr Griffin on question time last night. He seems to be slightly thinner and much more articulate when he's on Family Guy.
2:13 AM Oct 23rd
from Tweetie
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Does tinnitus sound like a bad/muffled tuba rendition of 'Greensleeves' played at half speed over & over? If so, I totally have tinnitus.
10:27 AM Oct 22nd
from web
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Awoke feeling dizzy/nauseous, then tripped over toilet and fell face first into shower door. I might be suffering from a bout of slapstick.
4:11 AM Oct 22nd
from web
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- Name James Malach
- Location London
- Web http://ministryof...
- Bio Lactated milky irreverence from caffeine-addled brain udders.
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