jackhandey
- If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.4:21 PM Jan 21st, 2007 from web
- If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.3:47 PM Jan 20th, 2007 from web
- I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.3:23 PM Jan 20th, 2007 from web
- If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it easy!11:34 PM Jan 16th, 2007 from web
- I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes. Hey, better try the emergency brake.9:09 PM Jan 9th, 2007 from web
- ...fish with long blonde hair.10:23 PM Jan 8th, 2007 from web
- People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jelly...10:22 PM Jan 8th, 2007 from web
- You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of "accidentally" brand each other every once in awhile. It's their way...9:24 PM Jan 8th, 2007 from web
- Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.3:52 PM Jan 7th, 2007 from web
- When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.5:14 PM Jan 5th, 2007 from web
- Before a mad scientist goes mad, there's probably a time when he's only partially mad. And this is when he's going to throw his best parties.9:36 PM Jan 4th, 2007 from web
- One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.6:58 PM Jan 4th, 2007 from web
- For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.10:38 PM Jan 3rd, 2007 from web
- Instead of crucifying a guy on a cross, what about a windmill? That way you get the pain AND the dizziness.8:37 PM Jan 3rd, 2007 from web
- Many people don't realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.10:40 PM Jan 2nd, 2007 from web
- Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.7:55 PM Jan 2nd, 2007 from web
|
|
