jackbauer
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Baby Einstein products worthless. Hoping Chloe has lowdown on product that'll teach granddaughter to start calling me grandpa, not 'Jack'.
2:02 AM Nov 2nd
from Tweetie
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Intimidation tactics that were once effective on Chinese or Russian baddies are ineffective on cutesy granddaughters.
1:17 PM Oct 28th
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Constantly being reminded to use my inside voice. "WHERE IS THE CEREAL?!" doesn't fly anymore during breakfast.
2:13 AM Oct 27th
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Who the fuck is Chris Wallace and why's he with me on Waterboarding?
I shove rags down throats, not this kiddie pool crap.
8:55 PM Aug 30th
from Tweetie
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So, not so much of a quadruple agent, what's the word for 3 1/2's? With the half leaning towards us-ish?
Heck with it, I'm on vacation now.
10:39 PM May 19th
from Tweetie
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Checking my datebook. Feel like something important is going on tonight. Dentist appointment I think.
6:05 PM May 18th
from Tweetie
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If Tony is a quadruple agent, I'm going to hug him, then beat his ass down.
If he isn't, I'm going to do one of the actions above.
6:34 PM May 14th
from Tweetie
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I'm going to have to give Tony a talking to tonight. Seriously, what would his mum think if she saw him behaving like this.
5:35 PM May 11th
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All that yelling at Janice and the best she and Chloe could talk about was "President Palmer" ?
Clearly I wasn't yelling loud enough.
12:33 AM May 1st
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Think about it. Chloe once said I could come and talk to her about anything, even Audrey.
See the look I gave her? Screen Saver material.
10:46 PM Apr 28th
from Tweetie
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Case in point: I *hugged* Chloe.
"hugged"
Chloe.
WTF.
10:42 PM Apr 28th
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This ilness sure does some weird things to you.
10:41 PM Apr 28th
from Tweetie
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Guys, I don't know why, but I feel like Tony is up to something. And I don't think it's a surprise birthday party for me. Going away party?
11:19 PM Apr 20th
from Tweetie
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Although seeing Kim was heartbreaking, I appreciate her not bringing some boyfriend that would psychoanalyze me.
This time anyway.
10:57 AM Apr 19th
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Guys, guys, relax. It was just a really bad burrito.
I think. Hmm.
11:42 PM Apr 6th
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Did you guys see the huge Sprint logo on the phones? What was that about, rofl.
Seriously, Sprint's cool. 4 floors underground cool.
11:36 PM Apr 6th
from Tweetie
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I can promise you if Eric was at the front door with a gun, Red Foreman would have no problem kicking his ass, again.
2:06 AM Mar 18th
from Tweetie
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If I had the latest version of iPhoto on this MacBook, I could've used Faces to identify John Quinn instead of bothering Agent Walker.
8:10 PM Mar 16th
from Tweetie
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The terrorists are threatening to kill a hostage if the missing hour from the start of Daylight Savings Time isn't given back. LOLWUT.
11:49 AM Mar 8th
from Tweetie
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Why is Chloe telling TMZ that I'm going to be dead when we're done here?
Jack Bauer doesn't die. He retires from life.
3:35 AM Mar 5th
from Tweetie
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- Name Jack Bauer
- Location DeeSee
- Bio If everyone listened to my instructions, it'd be called '12'
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