Someone called Ron Paul an anarchist... like that's a bad thing.

My way isn't necessarily the best way... only the most optimal.

@ARPAPPAS Hey don't forget them tickets.

Sam Brownback sucks donkey balls through a crazy straw.

The past is just a story. Tomorrow's just a plan. And the moment is a vision that I can barely understand. #doperhymes

Well, I managed to get myself a Google+ account... search me out and add me if you feel like it. I'll be taking a nap.

He's playing Checkers and you're playing Chess? Well I'm playing Incremental Global Conquest. #doperhymes

Please RT if you or someone you know is named Kevin.

She sells sea shells down by the sea shore... That's why women shouldn't run businesses.

Even a tiny bit of depth or substance in your personality will alienate you from the majority of people. Cherish the weirdos in your life.

Realized I was out of shape when a stripper tried to do a line off of MY boob last night.

If you're planning to open an Oranges'n'Live Chickens stall at a busy foreign bazaar, make sure you take out plenty of car chase insurance.

Read the fine print - Read the effing manual - You bring me a perennial, when I asked you for a annual.

Expert life coaching. Always excellent. Always free. Contact me via Twitter for details.

Newt Gingrich says "fundamental" too much.

Announcers and newsreaders all around the world keep accidentally saying "Obama." #boyismyfacered

Ironically, I can't seem to find my iPhone.

#iamsotiredof Resetting my password.

If Shari Lewis were alive today, I wonder if she'd constantly be getting banned from internet fora.

Is anyone else having trouble closing tabs in Firefox? (3.6) I've got it running on two machines, and suddenly I can't close tabs on either