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ivegotzooms

  1. Denizen of slobber. Pope of drool.
  2. Is there a shampoo for bread crumbs in your hair? No? Then how about a less embarrassing reality than "bit into a croissant."
  3. Office Lawn Darts. Asking people to tell me the difference between stickers and decals using only the information already in their heads.
  4. I have cramps in my feet because my common sense lining is shrinking. And I think the water is getting in through my navel.
  5. There isn't a worse missed opportunity than having eaten before Mr. Zoom announces a market run. Chocolate toast, you could have been mine.
  6. I thought the static electricity in the blankets was fun until I woke up covered in balloons from a car dealership over 30 miles away.
  7. I say with all the honesty of a strike anywhere match, no mom, you are not driving me full moon crazy.
  8. I give myself credit for recognizing that crossing my arms makes my boobs look like they are eating a giant bowtie.
  9. The street gangs of Hokey Pokey and Bonnie Tyler met for a rumble but were unable to face each other at any time during the fight.
  10. Hairantula!
  11. @revbrandy it is an indie (The Uninvited) with an interesting premise. You should hunt it down and give it a view, see what you think.
  12. @revbrandy Colin Hay made one with the same title it is a psychological thriller. I love him, but I feel his acting is so so in the film.
  13. @revbrandy Do you mean the one with Colin Hay in it?
  14. Anyone who thinks I'm missing out by not having kids hasn't seen Mr. Zoom in his undies with a blanket chip clipped to himself as a cape.
  15. My feet declined my request for an interview regarding how they can be heard giggling after they trip me.
  16. Darn it Jesus, can't I just have one tweet at your expese without a typo? Nice move, but I'm not editing that tweet twice.
  17. An old man clutching a rosary rode by us on a unicycle. A mere three seconds later, Mr. Zoom dubbed him One Wheel for Jesus._
  18. Somewhere there's a flow chart with a picture of me barely visible under a pile of dirty street socks.
  19. Used a detergent-to-go pen to remove a coffee stain from my sweater and oh, I think I just erased my trigger finger.
  20. @Tymethief Yes, that's the word that this world WANTS me to use, but I like mine better. Hence, the broken.