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instantregan

  1. Just overheard: "I was an adult film star. I slipped in some oil having a threesome. That's how my leg got fucked up." 1:57 PM Dec 19th from TwitterBerry
  2. Tonight's fortune cookie message: "You are a leader in your own way." Most vicious backhanded compliment EVER. 8:07 PM Dec 15th from web
  3. RT @jaymohr37: The best thing you can say about a cat is, "He thinks he's a dog." 10:18 AM Dec 15th from web
  4. http://znl.me/GHFNN In case you haven't guessed, I'm in Texas. 12:30 PM Dec 12th from TwitterBerry
  5. Drama between people is funny. Drama between a person and their own Facebook account is funnier. 4:29 PM Dec 4th from web
  6. Fuck trees. 5:47 PM Nov 29th from TwitterBerry
  7. http://znl.me/X6XGR On the plane ride home, this is what was in the bag space beneath the seat in front of me. 4:13 PM Nov 28th from TwitterBerry
  8. Who needs a ShamWow when you've got the sleeves of your hoodie? 1:12 PM Nov 27th from web
  9. It wouldn't be the holidays without a glass of 3.2% beer on Planet Utah. 2:10 PM Nov 25th from TwitterBerry
  10. Really Matt Lauer? The Octo-Mom is one of your "People of the Year"? I'm not even sure about the "person" part. 8:13 PM Nov 22nd from web
  11. Juice by Tappy. 10:51 AM Nov 22nd from web
  12. There's a hole in my heart where my Xbox 360 used to be. ::sniff:: 11:49 AM Nov 20th from web
  13. Quote of the day: "Only vampires can protect me from Mormons." --Cody 10:50 AM Nov 19th from web
  14. A decision has been made that profoundly affects the course of my career, and I don't know what it is. 8:25 PM Nov 17th from web
  15. @randomjake Super Mario Bros. Strategy Guide. You're welcome. 6:09 PM Nov 12th from web in reply to randomjake
  16. Snakes are so easily charmed... 11:00 AM Nov 10th from web
  17. That'll be delicious never! 8:03 PM Nov 8th from web
  18. Jacko hadn't had a hit album in years, but the "This Is It" album tops the Billboard charts. Gives the term "Better off dead" new meaning. 5:55 PM Nov 7th from web
  19. Watching The Incredible Hulk. Computer graphics: I need some alone time. You're just not doing it for me anymore. 9:11 PM Oct 28th from web
  20. In Long Beach, you're never far from a Popeye's. I consider that to be a good thing. 9:41 AM Oct 26th from web