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InSoOutSo

  1. Anyone know a good left nostril plumber? 9:52 PM Nov 27th from web
  2. is tired of working multiple jobs. I'm too old for this shit. 9:43 PM Nov 27th from web
  3. If anyone needs me, I'm working the day shift at the bar. Putting a sign out front, "If the wife made you shop, I'll make you a drink." 8:42 AM Nov 27th from web
  4. I found a great deal online for some Amish-made furniture. Cheaters. 8:34 AM Nov 27th from web
  5. I was going to buy a whole bunch of TOMS Shoes for children in need, but the donated pair seemed redundant. 8:27 AM Nov 27th from web
  6. Once again, my wife pulled the long end of the wishboner. 8:51 AM Nov 26th from web
  7. Making a 22lb Jamesons for Thanksgiving. 2:33 PM Nov 25th from web
  8. ""Stirring the Egg Nog"" with my boner. 1:28 PM Nov 25th from web
  9. Technically, I taught your mom how to do that to a turkey. 12:02 PM Nov 25th from web
  10. Never buy underwear on a Black Friday. I ended up with 50% off my ego. 10:00 AM Nov 25th from web
  11. @erikprice Ask her what we should do about the economy. Test her in the downtime! 8:10 AM Nov 25th from web in reply to erikprice
  12. 26 more days until California. Say it fast enough and it sounds like, "Om mani padme hum." 7:38 AM Nov 25th from web
  13. @abigvictory It's relieving to see that 1,000,000+ follower count hasn't dressed up your tweets. 6:04 AM Nov 25th from web in reply to abigvictory
  14. You call it a five day weekend, I call it five days without you in my office. 5:45 AM Nov 25th from web
  15. I had a dream about Xzibit. 5:12 AM Nov 25th from web
  16. My Dell is a brick...house. 4:50 AM Nov 25th from web
  17. I'm prescribing @vmarinelli two milligrams of Happy Birthday. 3:48 PM Nov 24th from web
  18. Ever stand at the urinal and wonder when you are going to die, only to remember, "Oh, right, I took a multivitamin." 2:29 PM Nov 24th from web
  19. Setting my alarm to order leather binders from a French boutique in Switzerland as soon as it opens. Your job is invalid. 2:23 PM Nov 24th from web
  20. Dance like Lucinda Dickey is watching. 12:43 PM Nov 24th from web