InSoOutSo
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Anyone know a good left nostril plumber?
9:52 PM Nov 27th
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is tired of working multiple jobs. I'm too old for this shit.
9:43 PM Nov 27th
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If anyone needs me, I'm working the day shift at the bar. Putting a sign out front, "If the wife made you shop, I'll make you a drink."
8:42 AM Nov 27th
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I found a great deal online for some Amish-made furniture. Cheaters.
8:34 AM Nov 27th
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I was going to buy a whole bunch of TOMS Shoes for children in need, but the donated pair seemed redundant.
8:27 AM Nov 27th
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Once again, my wife pulled the long end of the wishboner.
8:51 AM Nov 26th
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Making a 22lb Jamesons for Thanksgiving.
2:33 PM Nov 25th
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""Stirring the Egg Nog"" with my boner.
1:28 PM Nov 25th
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Technically, I taught your mom how to do that to a turkey.
12:02 PM Nov 25th
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Never buy underwear on a Black Friday. I ended up with 50% off my ego.
10:00 AM Nov 25th
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@ Ask her what we should do about the economy. Test her in the downtime!
8:10 AM Nov 25th
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in reply to erikprice
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26 more days until California. Say it fast enough and it sounds like, "Om mani padme hum."
7:38 AM Nov 25th
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@ It's relieving to see that 1,000,000+ follower count hasn't dressed up your tweets.
6:04 AM Nov 25th
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in reply to abigvictory
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You call it a five day weekend, I call it five days without you in my office.
5:45 AM Nov 25th
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I had a dream about Xzibit.
5:12 AM Nov 25th
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My Dell is a brick...house.
4:50 AM Nov 25th
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I'm prescribing @ two milligrams of Happy Birthday.
3:48 PM Nov 24th
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Ever stand at the urinal and wonder when you are going to die, only to remember, "Oh, right, I took a multivitamin."
2:29 PM Nov 24th
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Setting my alarm to order leather binders from a French boutique in Switzerland as soon as it opens. Your job is invalid.
2:23 PM Nov 24th
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Dance like Lucinda Dickey is watching.
12:43 PM Nov 24th
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