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imaudihere

  1. @gneicco You're wrong. Our avatars are very different. For example, in mine, I'm thinking about elephants. about 14 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to gneicco
  2. It's interesting to think how many of your closest friends and family members will turn out to be serial rapists. about 14 hours ago from Birdhouse
  3. I hope someday the futuristic equivalent of history books will talk of me, and how difficult it was to shoot down my flying robot suit. about 19 hours ago from Birdhouse
  4. All these years I've struggled to put a roof over our heads and now she tells me it was just an expression and two roofs is too many. 12:01 PM Dec 20th from Birdhouse
  5. If you want to get ahead at work, find ways to build rapport with your boss. Burst into his office to show him your new flamethrower, etc. 8:56 AM Dec 20th from Birdhouse
  6. It always makes me mad when my wife says she's the girl of my dreams because what's she doing reading my diary? 4:23 PM Dec 19th from Tweetie
  7. It's important to put family first. At least until they try to stand between you and your dream of having an army of robot butlers. 7:29 PM Dec 18th from Tweetie
  8. I don't think it's a coincidence that you never see Hitler and Supeman in the same place. 6:14 PM Dec 17th from Tweetie
  9. I think probably the best Christmas gift I could get would be to finally have self respect. Or a really cool hat. 7:16 PM Dec 16th from Tweetie
  10. Sometimes I have an intense thirst for knowledge, but then I remember how easily I get knowledge confused with Mountain Dew. 1:33 PM Dec 14th from Birdhouse
  11. Probably the worst thing about dating a mermaid is waking up next to a manatee in the morning and oh god how drunk was I last night? 10:11 AM Dec 13th from Birdhouse
  12. As soon as science figures out a way for us to live on other planets, I'm calling dibs on the one with the most Oompa Loompas. 4:04 PM Dec 12th from Birdhouse
  13. Being nice to people is always the best way to get what you want, but if that doesn't work I'd probably do something with their kneecaps. 11:57 AM Dec 12th from Tweetie
  14. I don't know what it is about penguins that makes them look so distinguished once I staple the bow tie on them. 4:56 PM Dec 9th from web
  15. RT @elibraden: Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!" 4:19 PM Dec 9th from web
  16. If history has taught us anything, I probably missed it because I was busy making inappropriate gestures at squirrels. 11:03 AM Dec 8th from web
  17. Alright. I've decided to do the Formspring thing: http://robisanevilgenius.tumblr.com/post/274764703. Ask me a question, stupid. 10:46 AM Dec 8th from TweetDeck
  18. I don't know why whenever I try to do something at work like organize a softball team, I invariably end up hunting people for sport. 5:56 PM Dec 7th from TweetDeck
  19. RT @MKupperman: Idea for a Christmas movie: A crusty old something-or-other learns a valuable lesson about something positive, or something. 4:56 PM Dec 7th from web
  20. @instant_oatmeal Thanks for making me Google "panacea", jerk. 5:00 PM Dec 6th from web in reply to londes