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humanisms

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  8. Why is the image of #Tiger sawin logs in the street at 2AM while his personal life collapses around him so funny?
  9. The number of vacant commercial spaces in #NYC is almost as staggering as the rent for such spaces in this #economy: http://bit.ly/6e92d9
  10. What's dirtier: a NYC sidewalk or the hand rails in a NYC subway? Somebody take swabs from both and report back please!
  11. Look, I'm all for helping people out but when they stop you on the street and you give 'em yr address just know they'll hound you forever!!!
  12. To make anything more badass, simply add a beard: http://bit.ly/6FUb3
  13. Did you know that the lentil is 26% protein? Only the soybean and hemp have more!
  14. The moment when you lock eye contact with a stranger on the subway feels eerily similar to locking eye contact with animals at the zoo.
  15. It turns out this city sleeps, but not at night. Need quiet in Manhattan? Wait till Sunday mornings, then go outside and listen to nothing.
  16. If you are a babysitter tonight, please do not: 1. Answer the phone, 2. Open the door, 3. Break out the Ouija board, or 4. Fall asleep.
  17. Nobody likes to be stressed out. To deal, try to imagine that yr wearing pudding shoes. Yes! Pudding Shoes! Shoes made from pudding. Comfy!
  18. I always felt there was a niche market for edible tape. For sanny's, 'ritos, hotdogs, whateves...tape up a salad if you dare.
  19. Heard of the Sleep Troll? The 3" tall bastard who sneaks his way into your mouth at night to take a dump? Thank him for yr Morning Breath!
  20. Would anybody notice if I ran the meeting commando beneath my pinstriped suit? I suppose I'd have to keep the jumping jacks to a minimum.