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HPZ

  1. I like my men like I like my milk: cool, white, and Canadian #nohomo
  2. unless it's a bowl of vienna sausages, don't GIS "inguinal hernia" while eating, or eat a bowl of vienna sausages #freeadvice
  3. Doing some inexperienced, underqualified high-voltage maintenance at work. If I die, tell my mom I'm awesome.
  4. What's the proper past participle of "trick-or-treat?" "Trick-or-traught," "trick-or-treaten," or "childhood obesity epidemicked?"
  5. I've been busy, and I'm just catching up on the hot political issues. Forgive me if my activism is tardy, but FREE ELIÁN GONZÁLEZ NOW #elian
  6. "A whiff of these tainted amino acids could kill you," warned the Inspector. "So, nobody nose the trouble lysine."
  7. @heathred I've never wanted to retweet anything so badly as your marzipan penis.
  8. Psyched for #STS135!
  9. Dear Canada, I miss you. We should get together. Wanna come over for ... no, you're right, your place would be better. Happy Day! <3 #canada
  10. * Indian reservation * \IN-dee-un re-zer-VA-shun\ noun : an 8pm table for two at Tandoori Kitchen
  11. "It's kind of strange, something different," said the Christian about Buddhism, missing the joke. http://n.pr/hugGAn
  12. Math, it seems, is like every other subject: much more fun and interesting as an elective than as a requirement.
  13. Heading to Rockford, Illinois for some Beefaroo. #cropyields
  14. Lose the 'tude, dude.
  15. I want to kiss the B-52s' pineapples. Respectively.
  16. I wonder why so many people think "I wonder..." statements are questions?
  17. Lettuce tastes bad. #lettuce
  18. @biorhythmist ACHOO #pandabacon
  19. Onions have asses. I know this because my water bottle smells like someone filled it with the asses of thirty onions. #botany
  20. iTunes needs Beatles like I need a hole in the head, which is a lot b/c it's where I put cheese in, and where karaoke comes out. #itunes