HPZ
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I like my men like I like my milk: cool, white, and Canadian
5:34 AM Apr 7th
via web
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unless it's a bowl of vienna sausages, don't GIS "inguinal hernia" while eating, or eat a bowl of vienna sausages
4:59 AM Mar 13th
via web
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Doing some inexperienced, underqualified high-voltage maintenance at work. If I die, tell my mom I'm awesome.
4:16 PM Nov 17th, 2011
via web
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What's the proper past participle of "trick-or-treat?" "Trick-or-traught," "trick-or-treaten," or "childhood obesity epidemicked?"
5:32 AM Nov 6th, 2011
via web
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I've been busy, and I'm just catching up on the hot political issues. Forgive me if my activism is tardy, but FREE ELIÁN GONZÁLEZ NOW
7:45 PM Oct 26th, 2011
via web
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"A whiff of these tainted amino acids could kill you," warned the Inspector. "So, nobody nose the trouble lysine."
5:21 AM Jul 15th, 2011
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@ I've never wanted to retweet anything so badly as your marzipan penis.
4:57 PM Jul 11th, 2011
via web
in reply to honeyonmyhead
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Psyched for !
7:34 AM Jul 8th, 2011
via Twitter for iPhone
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Dear Canada, I miss you. We should get together. Wanna come over for ... no, you're right, your place would be better. Happy Day! <3
12:42 PM Jul 1st, 2011
via web
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* Indian reservation
* \IN-dee-un re-zer-VA-shun\
noun
: an 8pm table for two at Tandoori Kitchen
7:02 AM May 29th, 2011
via web
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"It's kind of strange, something different," said the Christian about Buddhism, missing the joke.
6:36 AM Feb 8th, 2011
via web
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Math, it seems, is like every other subject: much more fun and interesting as an elective than as a requirement.
8:30 PM Jan 22nd, 2011
via web
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Heading to Rockford, Illinois for some Beefaroo.
7:29 AM Sep 11th, 2010
via Twitter for iPhone
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Lose the 'tude, dude.
2:23 PM Aug 21st, 2010
via web
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I want to kiss the B-52s' pineapples. Respectively.
2:59 PM Aug 16th, 2010
via web
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I wonder why so many people think "I wonder..." statements are questions?
11:57 AM Aug 9th, 2010
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Lettuce tastes bad.
11:53 AM Aug 9th, 2010
via web
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@ ACHOO
10:34 AM Aug 9th, 2010
via web
in reply to biorhythmist
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Onions have asses. I know this because my water bottle smells like someone filled it with the asses of thirty onions.
6:57 AM Aug 9th, 2010
via web
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iTunes needs Beatles like I need a hole in the head, which is a lot b/c it's where I put cheese in, and where karaoke comes out.
6:07 AM Aug 9th, 2010
via web
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