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howiekaplan

  1. I think The Snuggie has found a billion-dollar business in gag gifts. You backed the right pony, Free Booklight.
  2. @therealricker @dr_tully I once had a waitress at Hooters ask me to stop staring at her chest. AT HOOTERS. Scarred me for life.
  3. "Hasta la vista, cunty" #1stdraftmovielines
  4. 2 things I learned from flwng @shockozulu & @robcorddry. 1- all famous ppl have Iphones. 2- Corddry has a luscious head of hair. Who knew?
  5. @ecovegangal- currently shotgunning cheeseburgers from McDonalds drive-thru in a Hummer w/the windows down and A/C blasting. Slippery slope.
  6. @ecovegangal Killed a bug?! You might as well start eating meat, murderer!
  7. "I'm funny?! Funny how? Like a clown? Or like Dane Cook? Cause that motherfuckers not funny at all." 1stdraftmovielines
  8. Heeeeeeeeey the-sun-just-rose-so-we -should-get-up-and-brush-our-teeth VIIIIIIIEEEEETNAAAAAAAM! #firstdraftmovielines
  9. @Marvel But those internships are for school credit only, right? No way to snag one if you're out of school?
  10. But poor people should totally pay for their own damn funerals. RT @cnnbrk: Michael Jackson memorial cost LA $1.4 mil. http://bit.ly/gb2lR
  11. Enough MJ. Oscar Meyer died! His last request -- his remains be ground up & stuffed in a casing made of his intestine. http://is.gd/1rzET
  12. Still fascinated by comic book editing. Hey @Marvel @JoeQuesada @markwaid @stephenchristy! How does one break in? (Pls RT @ anyone I missed)
  13. ... some call me the octopus of loooooove...
  14. @Admut239 and you can't REALLY expect me to last to 90? With my body type and diet?
  15. @Admut239 Just spent 2 weeks trying to get through to Unmplymnt Their excuse? "We can't afford to man the phones. We're totally overwhelmed"
  16. Hope all the laid-off public workers enjoy MJ's funeral. Your LA tax dollars at work.
  17. Later, hivemind.
  18. - Oh, hey Vollunteer-Picking-Up-Flags. You guys sure put a lot of effort into your practices -YEP. WHATCHA DOIN, CARB LOADING? -... No. ......
  19. "Oh. Thanks, jogging-hivemind."
  20. OH NO ITS COOL WE'RE JUST PRACTICING FOR A CHARITY RUN!!!