hoosiergirl
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Because the world needs more white midwesterners, I'm off to birth me some babies!
6:59 AM Nov 10th
from web
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My 4 day hospital bag overfloweth. My husband's consists of an iphone and 4 boxes of lemonheads.
6:39 AM Nov 10th
from web
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Thanks anyway, Doc, but I won't be prepping my nether-regions before surgery. When else can I get anesthesia & a Brazilian for a $10 copay?
6:53 AM Nov 9th
from web
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The closest I've come to nesting is flipping the bird to people skinnier than me, which leaves a few Big Lots shoppers & the 4H Bingo Bus.
2:18 PM Nov 8th
from web
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My son asked about the birds & the bees so I talk penis/vagina til he looks horrified & says, "No! Are they back because it's so hot today?"
11:36 AM Nov 7th
from web
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My husband explained that he had big bones & my son said, "Oh, that's why you're so fat. It's all those bones in your belly." My kid rocks.
9:15 AM Nov 7th
from web
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There's a special shame that comes from being too fat to fit in a booth at Long John Silver's. Also, this tartar sauce tastes like tears.
6:47 PM Nov 4th
from web
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Nothing makes you feel sexier than overhearing your roofers bet 20 bucks on how many babies you've got stuffed "up in there."
7:41 AM Nov 3rd
from web
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My belly brings all the boys to the yard. And the cats. And the pervs.
1:12 PM Nov 2nd
from Yfrog
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You say "boundary issues" with such derision. Just give me back my candy corn shaped butt plugs and I'll be on my way, Rabbi.
7:27 AM Nov 1st
from web
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After playing in a fish tank & with gum he found under a booth at Denny's, my kid refused to wash his hands. "They're clean. I licked them."
11:57 AM Oct 31st
from web
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The OB wanted a birth plan so I wrote DRUGS across the page. They asked for more info since I'm having 2 babies so I wrote TWICE THE DRUGS.
12:11 PM Oct 29th
from web
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Got a swine flu shot, so I'm no longer scared of coughing, snot-nosed children. I'm back to just being disgusted by them.
10:14 AM Oct 28th
from web
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Lulled awake thinking my husband was caressing my fingers. Then I heard my 5 yr old say, "Since you're kind of like a cow, I'm milking you!"
2:03 PM Oct 27th
from web
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Do The Right Thong
8:50 PM Oct 23rd
from web
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Blazing Waddles
8:48 PM Oct 23rd
from web
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R*A*S*H*
8:44 PM Oct 23rd
from web
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Cute Boy said a name & I told him I like that bar. Which is when he took off his bluetooth & said, "You say you need help to your car?"
2:22 PM Oct 20th
from web
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My kid got a bad grade for self control. I wondered why, but got distracted licking cheese off my shirt & telling a stranger about my boobs.
8:41 AM Oct 15th
from web
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I hate when moms stare at my pregnant belly when I buy booze. I just explain that it's not for me, but for the 8th graders outside.
12:03 PM Oct 13th
from web
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- Name hoosiergirl
- Location evansville, indiana
- Bio reformed optimist
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