hoosiergirl
- Beautiful teens still suck. So if you jiggle when you wiggle, don't do the supermax massage chair by Abercrombie at the mall. Just. Don't.12:28 PM Jul 8th from web
- I asked my husband to join a fear of intimacy support group, but he says no way is he getting on twitter.11:39 AM Jul 6th from web
- My husband told me I'm like Cartman from South Park & "festively plump."
Gosh, I hope he finds his car keys that I "festively" flushed.8:06 AM Jul 6th from web
- In retrospect, he wasn't the brightest fire in the camp:
"I'm Joe. That's Denise."
And who's the boy?
"That's da nephew."10:50 AM Jul 4th from web
- Some people are so much more attractive when they keep their mouths shut. I'm looking at you, Megan Fox, Kanye & Mom.2:24 PM Jun 28th from web
- I know you said semi-formal & I'm semi-nude, but it's hot & I did wear body glitter. Geez, some brides are so touchy!9:58 AM Jun 28th from web
- I know young folks are hazardous when they text & drive, but all my near accidents are caused by trying to eat Taco Bell in the car.1:39 PM Jun 27th from web
- Dick Cheney is penning a memoir.
I always wondered if there'd be a Heart of Darkness Vol. 2.4:37 PM Jun 24th from web
- Friend just wrote to say she's engaged. She always swore she'd marry an artist, I just didn't think she meant a sandwich artist.11:51 AM Jun 24th from web
- So I've been out of touch a few days & now everyone's pictures are green. Did Al Gore join twitter or something?11:57 AM Jun 23rd from web
- @awryone I like your ego. If a dad & teen son checked me out, I'd assume I sat in chocolate or that my muffin top was showing.9:12 AM Jun 23rd from web in reply to awryone
- The doctor said I can't have sex & now all I can think about is... omg, are those nachos?9:09 AM Jun 23rd from web
- My doctor criticized me for eating baked beans 3 meals in a row, so there's no way I'm telling her they were actually boston baked beans.4:37 PM Jun 22nd from web
- I accidentally shaved a bald stripe down my son's head & the only remedies I can think to give him are a landing strip or a Brazilian.10:40 AM Jun 20th from web
- I don't want to say the thrill is gone, but I asked my husband if he wanted company in the shower & he said that our kid had already bathed.6:45 AM Jun 17th from web
- Just dumped an entire jumbo lemonade in my lap & am a sticky mess. On the bright side, my crotch hasn't been this lemony fresh in ages.1:31 PM Jun 15th from web
- Dreamt I gave Bruce Jenner a handy j at a Lakers game, which sounds like me if Bruce was a Bo & the stadium was a community center dugout.7:53 AM Jun 15th from web
- My mom & husband are paranoid that I might violate their privacy by what I post on facebook. It's ridiculous - that's why I have twitter.7:42 AM Jun 13th from web
- Friend wants to teach me to surf. I can just see me flopping around in a wet suit til a Japanese trawler harpoons my ass & I end up on TMZ.12:10 PM Jun 12th from web
- I told a couple I just met that their baby would love my ginormous knockers. Clearly, my superpower is the ability to cross any boundary.4:58 PM Jun 11th from web
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- Name hoosiergirl
- Location evansville, indiana
- Bio reformed optimist
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