Profile_bird

Hey there! HomerJSimpson is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What's happening? Join today to start receiving HomerJSimpson's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

HomerJSimpson

  1. Big shopping day today. Marge, if you're reading this, we need beer and diapers. If you can’t carry everything, forget the diapers. 4:05 PM Nov 27th from HootSuite
  2. Big shopping day today. If you’re buying me clothes as a Christmas gift, remember there are eight “X”s before the L – XXXXXXXXL 11:20 AM Nov 27th from HootSuite
  3. Today is “Black Friday”, biggest shopping day of the year. I call it “Blecch Friday” because turkey doesn’t agree with me. 8:15 AM Nov 27th from HootSuite
  4. I love #Thanksgiving. It’s like the calendar is giving me one month to convince that sucker Santa that I’ve been a good boy. 3:15 PM Nov 26th from HootSuite
  5. Woo Hoo! #Thanksgiving. One of the two holidays the government says Mr. Burns has to give us off. 10:30 AM Nov 26th from HootSuite
  6. The only bad part of Thanksgiving is that a lot of turkeys and the Detroit Lions get killed. That’s a joke you can tell people. I did! 4:15 PM Nov 25th from HootSuite
  7. I wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving but the Canadians have their Thanksgiving in October and they took all the thanks. Stupid frozen jerks. 7:01 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
  8. We celebrate Thanksgiving in November but forget it’s also Aviation History Month. Think how you'd feel if you were that. Bad, I bet. 12:10 PM Nov 20th from HootSuite
  9. If prisoners use cigarettes as money to buy things in jail, what do they use to buy cigarettes? Think about it. I know I won't. 6:58 PM Nov 19th from HootSuite
  10. Had a great idea for a movie. A comedy with some romantic stuff also. 8:58 PM Nov 18th from HootSuite
  11. I made one of those trace-your-hand turkeys. It tasted horrible. 4:40 PM Nov 15th from HootSuite
  12. I’m bowling. Unless you’re Mr. Burns, in which case I am at work. 11:35 AM Nov 13th from HootSuite
  13. I want to thank our veterans for being brave. Also, since we’re talking, can I have some of your medals? You have lots and I have none. 8:40 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  14. I hate that show “The Office”. All they do is look at the camera. Uh, professionalism, anyone? 6:29 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  15. Just Helping Lisa with her homework. Now I remember why I never did homework. 6:24 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  16. I just turned on that show “So you think you can dance?” My answer is “No, I don’t”. 5:10 PM Nov 10th from HootSuite
  17. Trying to help Lisa with her math homework. Did you know that multiplication and division are enemies? 6:44 PM Nov 9th from web
  18. LOL OMG ROTFL :) :( WTF YYSW... Sorry, I had a mini stroke while I was writing “hello.” 6:00 PM Nov 8th from HootSuite
  19. Elvis Costello said “What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?” To that list I’d add Dane Cook and “The Family Circus.” 4:45 PM Nov 7th from HootSuite
  20. I’m using that steroid cream Barry Bonds used. Wait, instead of Barry Bonds it was my father and instead of steroids, it was hemorrhoids. 6:32 PM Nov 6th from HootSuite