guylarious
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Tiger Woods has pulled out of his own golf tournament. We'll find out if he did the same with Rachel Uchitel in about nine months.
about 14 hours ago
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The Secret Service is very embarrassed over the security breach at the White House last week. Somehow Joe Biden got in.
6:13 AM Nov 30th
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Sarah Palin gave Obama's presidency a 4 out of 10. But everyone knows a "4" in DC would be a "10" in Alaska.
4:41 PM Nov 26th
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A 39-year-old California man paid young teens to defecate on him. It must have been expensive, because teens don't give a shit.
6:16 AM Nov 24th
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Sully says his Hudson River landing has led to "rock star sex" at home. For his daughters' sake I hope the "rock star" isn't John Phillips.
6:07 AM Nov 24th
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Oprah Winfrey announced her show will end in 2011. In other words, the Mayans were off by a year.
5:56 AM Nov 23rd
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Sarah Palin told "People" that if she could have one job in the White House, it would be Chief of Staff. She always wanted to be an indian.
5:54 AM Nov 23rd
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President Obama's approval rating has dipped to 49%. He plans on improving his rating by revealing that he is actually a teenage vampire.
5:53 AM Nov 23rd
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I slacked over the weekend, so I owe you three jokes universe.
5:51 AM Nov 23rd
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Tragedy struck the Twilight premier: two fans dressed as werewolves were accidentally shot by Sarah Palin.
6:06 AM Nov 20th
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A new study found that vacuuming can reduce a man's sperm count. Tom Brady's carpets must be filthy.
6:32 AM Nov 19th
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Bill Gates is auctioning off a tour of his house for charity. Check out the bathroom, otherwise known as "the birthplace of Vista."
6:51 AM Nov 18th
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Kevin Federline appears in the new "American Pie" movie. He was disappointed when he learned the movie wasn't really about pie.
5:15 AM Nov 17th
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Harry Potter caught smoking pot? Maybe he should have joined the house of Hufflepuff! Look it up non-nerd.
5:27 PM Nov 16th
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Some GITMO detainees may be transfered to Illinois. As if they haven't been through enough. First waterboarding, now Cubs games.
1:39 PM Nov 15th
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John King will replace Lou Dobbs in 2010. The tech guys need a few months to remove Mexico from the Magic Touch Map.
1:19 PM Nov 15th
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Scientists in Germany have observed mysterious hair loss in bears. For treatment they have prescribed each of the bears a Corvette.
1:03 PM Nov 15th
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He was so drunk he actually ordered something from SkyMall.
6:10 AM Nov 12th
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A pilot was arrested at Heathrow for being too drunk to fly. Apparantly his co-pilot was Captain Morgan.
6:09 AM Nov 12th
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Arsenio Hall and Paula Abdul were recently spotted together at an LA hotspot. Then she gave him her ticket and he went to go get her car.
6:50 AM Nov 11th
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- Name Guy Patton
- Location New York
- Web http://www.pofic....
- Bio I am a comedy writer at the UCB Theatre. I tweet a joke I wrote every day. I like naps.
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