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"It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't trust other people." - someone telling you that they don't trust you.about 17 hours agovia Twitter for iPhone
I never served time in the army but I did play Call of Duty for 13 hours straight once so thanks for all the well-wishes today everyone.9:50 AM May 28thvia Twitter for iPhone
If you missed the Indy 500 but still wanna see people pointlessly going around in circles, read a comment-section argument on YouTube.2:08 PM May 27thvia Twitter for iPhone
Just asked Siri to calculate how many times ESPN is gonna show the 2011 Heat-over-Celtics celebration clip this week and my iPhone exploded.7:48 PM May 26thvia Twitter for iPhone
Getting the suspension lifted on your truck is a great way to let people know that you flunked out of technical college.8:44 PM May 24thvia Twitter for iPhone
What's the point of even having an Internet if we can't get simple things like the Taco Bell chihuahua having an IMDB page right?1:13 PM May 24thvia Twitter for iPhone
KenTremendousThe obnoxious guys on the teams I hate are so much worse than the obnoxious guys on the teams I love.8:10 PM May 21stvia webRetweeted by grantbru23 and 95 others
"More like GHOST dangerous game!!" - My friend Todd at a sporting event (we hunt tawainese slaves for sport (he had just killed one)). #KCS10:15 AM May 21stvia Twitter for iPhone
Nobody let the dogs out, it was all just a giant government conspiracy to scare us into buying fences. Spread the truth!!9:01 PM May 20thvia Twitter for iPhone
JennyJohnsonHi5White guys who take shirtless pics of themselves in their bathroom mirror will most likely die in an alcohol-related jet ski accident.10:36 AM May 20thvia EchofonRetweeted by grantbru23 and 828 others
Ladies, no need to say "Chicago better get ready for us tonight!!" in your picture captions. They already have plenty of penicillin/Plan B.9:37 PM May 19thvia Twitter for iPhone