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GPappalardo

  1. I'm caught in a terrible sun storm, I've had to put on shorts and eat ice cream. Pray for me.
  2. When you have baby wipes, you never have to shower.
  3. I'm going to write a sitcom about 4 people sitting on a couch, posting to Twitter on their phones and all the zany antics that ensue.
  4. Does Santa Claus come to your house the week before Christmas and suck on your big toe when you're sleeping, then run out door too?
  5. I can't wait to decorate our winter solstice tree tomorrow.
  6. Cereal: It's what you eat at midnight.
  7. After receiving my gas and light bill today, it appears that the Christmas present to my family was heat last month.
  8. I hate nuts in my salad.
  9. I-'m s-i-t-t-i-n-g o-n t-h-e p-a-t-i-o.
  10. I was just called "Hell Biscuit" and I think I like it.
  11. Jennifer Lopez says she doesn't miss the gym, which coincidentally is why her ass doesn't miss the door casing when entering a room.
  12. You guys are all coming out to California? Hold on, let me light some incense first.
  13. Hey everyone! My Grandma was nominated for best anal scene at the AVN Awards next year, for her role in "Naughty Nursing Home #12".
  14. I have a confession to make, my chest hair... implants.
  15. I wonder if they are going to freeze Roy Disney's body so they can attach Walt's head later and make Frankendisney.
  16. They should just change that message to "Twitter is getting gang raped by API calls right now, please return later."
  17. I'm the Twitter account no one wants to tell their parents about.
  18. "Look, just shut up and suck!" Stupid vacuum.
  19. Wow, according to Favstar, I now have over 50,000 stars received. Officially making me overrated.
  20. I'm going to publish a photo coffee table book of me smoking in front of "No Smoking" signs.