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gostandup

  1. I saw a video of Oprah putting on makeup..... It didn't look like an application. It looked like an installation. 8:51 AM Oct 2nd from txt
  2. In yet another move, not only was John removed from 'John &Kate plus 8', but Kate was also removed....the show is now called ' 8 '. 7:03 AM Oct 1st from txt
  3. A cannibal just asked me for a cup of joe........ Not sure what he imagines that to be. 10:02 AM Sep 26th from txt
  4. I'm starting 'fantasy women's tennis' . It's easy . Just tune in and watch. 12:21 PM Sep 24th from txt
  5. Paulla Abdul replaced ??...what ?http://bit.ly/llkEp 2:48 PM Sep 10th from web
  6. My wife wants me to get an invisible fence for our dog..... I said, "Let's keep the fence and get an invisible dog.". 8:39 AM Sep 8th from txt
  7. Chris Brown's new book- ' If I did Remember '. 9:52 AM Sep 2nd from txt
  8. I think I have dimentia .............at least that's what my dog told me. 8:42 AM Sep 1st from txt
  9. Tyler Perry is putting one really talented older black actress out of work.... Shame on him! 8:08 AM Aug 29th from txt
  10. The expression , " It won't cost you a fortune." is not very comforting. 8:20 AM Aug 25th from txt
  11. I don't believe in sustained applause. I clap once really loud. 9:23 AM Aug 22nd from txt
  12. Hello fans! I'm at the 50 meter point. As soon as I finish this race, i'll tweet again- sincerely Ussain Bolt 1:24 PM Aug 17th from txt
  13. Camel definition - a horse who is pointing to where the beach is 10:18 AM Aug 15th from txt
  14. I'm listening to Mike Vick's press conference . The first 5 questions were asked by Scooby-Doo, Astro, Snoopy, Clifford , and Lassie. 9:24 AM Aug 14th from txt
  15. I finally deciphered the thousand page Obama Healthcare Reform Plan....... IT'S A COOKBOOK !!!! 11:52 AM Aug 12th from txt
  16. I went to a hockey game and a Town Hall meeting broke out. 12:15 PM Aug 10th from txt
  17. The restroom i'm at says ' Out of Order '.....so i'm going to poop in the sink and wash my hands in the toilet bowl. 10:13 AM Aug 10th from txt
  18. I THOUGHT THE WHITE STUFF WAS OXY- CLEAN!!! - regards Billy Mays 8:06 AM Aug 9th from txt
  19. Dear Sarah Palin, We have a job opening.- sincerely American Idol 12:00 AM Aug 9th from txt
  20. Paula Abdul's chair is now vacant in the fullest sense of the term. 11:55 PM Aug 8th from txt