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gostandup

  1. I saw a video of Oprah putting on makeup..... It didn't look like an application. It looked like an installation.
  2. In yet another move, not only was John removed from 'John &Kate plus 8', but Kate was also removed....the show is now called ' 8 '.
  3. A cannibal just asked me for a cup of joe........ Not sure what he imagines that to be.
  4. I'm starting 'fantasy women's tennis' . It's easy . Just tune in and watch.
  5. Paulla Abdul replaced ??...what ?http://bit.ly/llkEp
  6. My wife wants me to get an invisible fence for our dog..... I said, "Let's keep the fence and get an invisible dog.".
  7. Chris Brown's new book- ' If I did Remember '.
  8. I think I have dimentia .............at least that's what my dog told me.
  9. Tyler Perry is putting one really talented older black actress out of work.... Shame on him!
  10. The expression , " It won't cost you a fortune." is not very comforting.
  11. I don't believe in sustained applause. I clap once really loud.
  12. Hello fans! I'm at the 50 meter point. As soon as I finish this race, i'll tweet again- sincerely Ussain Bolt
  13. Camel definition - a horse who is pointing to where the beach is
  14. I'm listening to Mike Vick's press conference . The first 5 questions were asked by Scooby-Doo, Astro, Snoopy, Clifford , and Lassie.
  15. I finally deciphered the thousand page Obama Healthcare Reform Plan....... IT'S A COOKBOOK !!!!
  16. I went to a hockey game and a Town Hall meeting broke out.
  17. The restroom i'm at says ' Out of Order '.....so i'm going to poop in the sink and wash my hands in the toilet bowl.
  18. I THOUGHT THE WHITE STUFF WAS OXY- CLEAN!!! - regards Billy Mays
  19. Dear Sarah Palin, We have a job opening.- sincerely American Idol
  20. Paula Abdul's chair is now vacant in the fullest sense of the term.