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gostandup

  1. Cell phones were invented for lonely people who need something to do with their hands in public. 10:55 AM Nov 11th from txt
  2. I went to my wife and asked her how to improve the home, " .... She said, "Alright then GET OUT !!!". 9:25 AM Nov 7th from txt
  3. I'm adamant about singing ' Sitting on The Ritz'. 9:53 AM Nov 5th from txt
  4. Yankees won............!!!!!!!!! 9:18 PM Nov 4th from web
  5. Tim Donaughy was released from jail today. I told him that his life wouldn't amount to anything. He said, " Wanna bet !?". 11:26 AM Nov 4th from txt
  6. Yankees win !!!.... Thuuuu Yankees win !!!! 5:58 AM Nov 1st from txt
  7. A cannibal friend of mine wants a hot blonde.............. I wonder what he means by that ? 11:13 AM Oct 31st from txt
  8. FINALLY Stedman leaving Oprah ?!!.....I guess he needed to achieve escape velocity.... 8:02 AM Oct 31st from txt
  9. Would u rather b a successful idiot...or a genius loser ? 11:34 AM Oct 27th from txt
  10. Go Yankees !! 9:21 AM Oct 26th from txt
  11. Liza Minelli is striking. 7:58 AM Oct 23rd from txt
  12. Uh oh.... I just figured out why they call it 'In and OUT ...burger' 8:25 AM Oct 21st from txt
  13. Ignore the next tweet . 6:18 PM Oct 15th from txt
  14. Omg...a 6 yr old boy is stuck alone an a home made hot air balloon ...6000FT up !!! 12:07 PM Oct 15th from txt
  15. Dear Shaq, it tastes like a rotten oversized cupcake.---regards Cannibal 11:11 AM Oct 13th from txt
  16. I'm looking for a woman who brings something to the table. 8:54 AM Oct 13th from txt
  17. This just in: Mike Vick to star in his own reality show. "Great , we need that dude in front of cameras at all times !"-sincerely Scooby doo 8:35 PM Oct 11th from web
  18. I'm at a pizza place. They don't have diet coke. I said ," Then give me a regular coke and add extra sugar to everyone else's drinks.". 5:10 PM Oct 8th from txt
  19. I'm at this pizza joint. I asked if I could order by the slice. They said ," Sure, except that the slice is connected to 7 other slices.". 5:04 PM Oct 8th from txt
  20. I can't stand wooden legs !!! 10:06 AM Oct 3rd from txt