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glessner

  1. What a fantastic world it would be if clothing inspectors used $1 bills as their seal of approval. about 7 hours ago from Tweetie
  2. @atsirhc You say that like it's a good thing. Racist. about 15 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to atsirhc
  3. Surefire sign #307 that it's too early to be awake on a Monday: Washing your hands with toothpaste. about 17 hours ago from Birdhouse
  4. Surefire sign it's too early to be awake on a Monday: Washing your hands with toothpaste. about 18 hours ago from Birdhouse
  5. Just accidentally figured out that my shirt is thin enough to use the iPhone through. - Josh's Right Nipple. 6:10 PM Nov 15th from Tweetie
  6. What'd I miss? 3:35 PM Nov 15th from web
  7. You can learn a lot about a person if they have a ringback tone. Jason Aldean, for example, tells me you hate receiving phone calls. 5:18 AM Oct 27th from Birdhouse
  8. Evolution was especially cruel to the Peel-n-Eat Shrimp. 1:46 PM Oct 24th from Birdhouse
  9. Nobody makes me feel better about the choices I've made in my life than people who wear sweatpants to work. 11:51 AM Oct 22nd from Birdhouse
  10. Having a 30 minute morning commute might not have been the best idea for a Highway Narcoleptic. Even with coffee, I'm barely st 4:22 AM Oct 21st from Birdhouse
  11. Just caught The Wife humming the Sunday Night Football theme. Never has our home at once felt so much pride and so much shame. 6:59 PM Oct 18th from Birdhouse
  12. I, too, have my time of the month when I don't want to put up with bullshit and I want everyone to be nice to me. "Manstruation" 8:58 AM Oct 15th from Birdhouse
  13. Despite my best and most creative efforts, there is simply no fashionable way to wear a hairnet. 7:23 AM Oct 12th from Birdhouse
  14. Skittles as breath mints. That's what I'm bringing to the table. 5:10 PM Oct 9th from Tweetie
  15. It's kind of the Steelers to give San Diego some hope with a few botched plays. It's not kind, however, what they're doing to my liver. 7:58 PM Oct 4th from Birdfeed
  16. This Thai food has a little more capsaicin and a few less underage prostitutes than I'd requested. 4:56 PM Oct 2nd from Birdhouse
  17. @garysucks Of course. Why else would my hands be so sore? 4:26 PM Oct 2nd from Tweetie in reply to garysucks
  18. Someone please put a beer in my sore, lifeless hand. 3:49 PM Oct 2nd from Birdfeed
  19. Something something The Il-lemonade-y, keepers of the Crystal Light. Long couple of days. 2:13 PM Sep 29th from Birdhouse
  20. @AmIThatBoring High Point 6:30 PM Sep 22nd from Birdfeed in reply to AmIThatBoring