gknauss
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I'm in the waiting room before my surgery, and they've got the TV set to "The View" as some sort of pre-anesthesia.
about 2 hours ago
from Echofon
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Everybody worked up about Modern Warfare 2 allowing you to "slaughter civilians" does know that they're, um, not real, right?
about 3 hours ago
from Echofon
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Based on the voice, I keep thinking John Goodman is behind me. But, no, just a regular phlegmy fat guy.
about 17 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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Me: "The toot about turning my crotch into a face made Favrd!"
Wife: "The only part of that that I understood, I didn't like."
about 17 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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@ Wow! Usually I can only change women's sexual orientation.
about 18 hours ago
from Echofon
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@ Watch the director's cut. There's a _very_ sensual shower scene that got cut to keep a PG-13.
about 18 hours ago
from Echofon
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Before my lithotripsy tomorrow, I'm gonna shave comical eyeballs into my pubic hair, just to surprise the surgeon. I'll bet they love that.
about 18 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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If your average vampire is, say, a hundred years old, shouldn't he be a little less angsty?
Yeah, yeah, no soul -- grow up, you big baby. •
8:01 PM Nov 10th
from Birdhouse
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I have apparently had a gigantic zit perched on the end of my nose all day. I hope my awkward teenage years end before my kids' do. •
3:28 PM Nov 10th
from Echofon
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@ In which life do you spend time curled into a fetal ball in the closet, sobbing piteously? Because I've got that one, too.
1:54 PM Nov 10th
from Echofon
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You know you're in a good restaurant when the meals have a registered trademark symbol after their name. •
10:00 AM Nov 10th
from Birdhouse
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@ Ordered them from 24hourwristbands.com (!) -- 20 for $40 -- but am going to have a contest to get rid of the extras, I think.
9:22 AM Nov 10th
from Echofon
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@ Socialist!
9:16 AM Nov 10th
from Echofon
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I was reading work mail on the iPhone, the screen went black to show a picture and suddenly this scowling, angry man was staring back at me.
7:25 PM Nov 7th
from Birdhouse
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I just moved the sofa in the den so I could clean behind it, and... I... I need a hug.
1:05 PM Nov 7th
from Echofon
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Seriously, hipsters: You guys are _hilarious_. Don't you own mirrors? It's like you have Fashion Tourette's.
8:24 PM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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Whenever I feel useless or foolish, I like to go down to the corner and watch the hipsters for a bit and I always feel _much_ better.
8:22 PM Nov 6th
from Birdhouse
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@ And at any given moment, likely.
10:59 PM Nov 5th
from Echofon
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@ To clarify, there's no sex. But it is a 2.5-hour assault on the lizard brain, like being hit in the face while watching porn.
10:17 PM Nov 5th
from Echofon
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@ Not for _anybody_.
10:05 PM Nov 5th
from Echofon
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