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zeldman
3-year-old Ava, about a girl she dislikes: "She's a witch. Give her a broom and she'll fly away."
07:20 AM June 13, 2008
from Hahlo
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fireland
Tore shit up at the baby shower, as per usual. Rode the crazy train to Boone's Farm and deflowered that Diaper Genie in the worst way.
10:34 AM June 11, 2008
from web
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alanapost
i'm the youngest person i know who independently manages their own investments. what is wrong with ppl don't you want to retire
10:17 PM June 10, 2008
from NatsuLion
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Choire
I was pissed when I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand. But then I learned that Paul Ford was carrying me!
10:20 PM June 04, 2008
from web
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persephassa
they say they began to see each other as angels.
02:39 AM June 04, 2008
from Twitter Tools
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Mike_FTW
They should rename the 'older' button 'female orgasm' for all the good it's doing.
04:54 AM May 26, 2008
from web
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lonelysandwich
There is only one DVD for sale at Wild Oats. Guess what movie Juno. Shit, I gave it away. It's Juno.
04:22 PM May 21, 2008
from web
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fireland
Played golf with my old man this morning and on the fourth tee I accidentally hated his guts since the day I was born.
06:45 PM May 20, 2008
from web
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alanapost
confusion re: mint.com & haveamint.com. thought my site analytics were now telling me how little money i have
09:47 AM May 09, 2008
from NatsuLion
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lonelysandwich
Girls don't make passes at boys who package and distribute gourmet molasses.
01:01 PM May 08, 2008
from PocketTweets
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echuckles
here's a way to go green: recycle your old tweets, replacing "SXSW" with "ROFLcon."
11:18 AM April 25, 2008
from web
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meowrey
When God closes a door, He opens a window. But He forgets to remove security bars & insect screens, so it's like, "Thanks for nothing, man!"
12:15 PM April 15, 2008
from web
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Mike_FTW
OMG! Tasty Tastykakes!! If I were a 16-year old Catholic schoolgirl @essl would have TOTALLY qualified for anal right now.
10:33 AM April 01, 2008
from web
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ftrain
@ghostwhispers When we yiffing, bro? I'm ready.
12:47 PM March 21, 2008
from twhirl
in reply to ghostwhispers
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alanapost
@fireland & @ftrain i do NOT understand polyamory. could you please explain it using vivid, detailed examples
11:54 AM March 21, 2008
from Snitter
in reply to fireland
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