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geneweingarten

  1. Christmas-tree vendors are MUCH less nervous when female dogs like my Murphy stop by for a sniff. Male dogs get 'em all tense and jumpy.
  2. Re Google's mysteries solved, you probably would prefer the correct url: http://tinyurl.com/y8b2jpq
  3. All of Google's great mysteries solved! http://tinyurl.com/yfgflny
  4. http://tinyurl.com/y9wxy8p -- In which we develop a fart test to distinguish male Olympic athletes from females.
  5. Disturbing Thought of the Month: Is it illegal to yell "Allahu Akbar" in a crowded theater?
  6. Convict Them on Mug Shot Alone, Vol. IV http://tinyurl.com/yl5bpdx Accused of throwing darts at people in bar, defecating in parking lot.
  7. One necrophiliac asks another necrophiliac "How's your new relationship going?" Second necrophiliac says, "Not good. She split on me."
  8. What did the leper say to the prostitute? You can keep the tip.
  9. I really respect women. If I were a gynecologist, I would administer ma'am-ograms.
  10. Palin calls Obama's economic policy "back-assward." http://tinyurl.com/yhngf9r It's a totally upfucked way to try to hide a vulgarity.
  11. "People" says Johnny Depp is the sexiest man alive. Johnny's lucky this guy's dead. http://tinyurl.com/6o423d #sartre
  12. Jean-Paul Sartre = er, just anal rape #sartre
  13. Jean-Paul Sartre -- n., just a pale rear. (voila, an anagram!) #sartre
  14. Yes, good point, @finstergrrrl. Hell is other people's Trending Topics. #sartre
  15. If this #sartre thing works, tomorrow we'll try #trendingtopicsisformorons.
  16. Let's hijack Trending Topics! Can smart people bust into the moronosophere? Today only, add #sartre to your tweets. Pass it on.
  17. Spoiler alert: "2012" is about the Earth getting drowned under 200 billion tons of inane cinematic movie cliche. (Gad, that film was bad.)
  18. This column contains the following line: "It was a completely inappropriate habit, like a peignoir on a nun." http://tinyurl.com/yhyae9o
  19. Has anyone with a brain and/or a life ever contributed to any "Trending Topic"? I just went in there; lost 40 IQ points in 12 minutes.
  20. To the many people who asked: Old Mike, the dog my daughter was treating for sugarless gum consumption... survived. He's fine.