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Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic?4:48 PM Nov 29thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter
If I was a Holocaust denier and somebody showed me evidence to the contrary, I would deny ever being a Holocaust denier.10:04 AM Nov 29thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter
A man who is uncomfortable shopping walks around with his hands behind his back. Same is true for a man who is uncomfortably arrested.3:59 AM Nov 29thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter
Need to mow the lawn today. Got what looks like an overgrown, angry mob of synthetic grass blades organizing all over the place.9:24 PM Nov 28thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter
Ironic Chapurs ex-husband was a soybean exporter while she turned out to be an importer of South Carolina string beans.6:18 PM Nov 28thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty.12:00 PM Nov 28thfrom PEAR Services_Twitter