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funnyoneliners

  1. Entered the word moron in my GPS to see what happens and guess what? I'm outside your place. RT @newfylover1 about 3 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS
  2. I'm starting to think the only jewelry I'll ever get from a man is one of those house arrest ankle bracelets. RT @HeyitsLori about 11 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS
  3. My dogs are *excellent* guard dogs. As long as the burglars remember to ring the doorbell. RT @Ch8rming about 14 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS
  4. Recipes are like online dating websites. They never end up looking like the picture. about 14 hours ago via Birdhouse
  5. Calculating which type of bridge I cross more. It's a draw. RT @pagecrusher 7:21 AM May 29th via TweetCaster for iOS
  6. I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly. RT @Boleyngirly 5:06 AM May 29th via TweetCaster for iOS
  7. I'm hoping this vacation will go into overtime. 5:00 AM May 29th via Birdhouse
  8. I just made my hamster a strong coffee. I don't want him falling asleep at the wheel. RT @sixthformpoet 3:57 PM May 28th via TweetCaster for iOS
  9. I hope my travel mug tells stories to all my stay-at-home dishes. RT @Ty_Schutz 1:44 PM May 28th via Twitter for iPad
  10. Shopping malls have benches, so guys can sit while they give up the will to live. RT @kellysdf 10:47 AM May 28th via TweetCaster for iOS
  11. I can always count on you to be totally unreliable. RT @DrTwittenheimer 7:34 AM May 28th via TweetCaster for iOS
  12. You should never run away from your problems. Unless your problem is, like, you're being chased by a bear. RT @JerryThomas 5:40 AM May 28th via TweetCaster for iOS
  13. Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught. 4:53 AM May 28th via Birdhouse
  14. You can get a hot cup of Joe anytime at the Cannibal Diner. RT @IGotsSmarts 4:29 PM May 27th via TweetCaster for iOS
  15. My wife suggested we just go crazy tonight but I think that's unfair. She'd have a huge head start. RT @AristotlesNZ 10:23 AM May 27th via TweetCaster for iOS
  16. My brother came over to borrow the lawn mower, I told him she was still sleeping and try back in an hour. RT @StephenBCramer 7:41 AM May 27th via TweetCaster for iOS
  17. I do fifty crunches every morning. I figure that's enough bran for anyone. 4:48 AM May 27th via Birdhouse
  18. They say memory is the first thing to go. The second thing to go is memory. RT @GeorgeTakei 3:46 PM May 26th via TweetCaster for iOS
  19. Of the world's many super-heroes, my favourite's The Ice Cream Man. RT @sixthformpoet 9:51 AM May 26th via TweetCaster for iOS
  20. Found a hair in my spaghetti. But it was just angel hair. RT @WendyLiebman 5:47 AM May 26th via TweetCaster for iOS
  • Name Funny One Liners
  • Location Tampa Bay
  • Bio One liners..ReTweets..The best of the old and the new humor compiled in one place.
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