fullsteve
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Why don't psychics win the lottery every week?
10:31 PM Dec 14th
from web
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On my walk to campus, it felt like Frosty the Snowman and Jack Frost took turns holding me down while the other one sexually assaulted me.
9:37 AM Dec 9th
from web
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There is no better feeling than stepping into a hot shower on a cold December morning. And no worse feeling than stepping out of it.
6:54 AM Dec 8th
from web
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I believe in capital punishment for people who continuously push the walk button while waiting for the light to change.
9:00 AM Dec 4th
from web
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I have been browsing pictures on peopleofwalmart.com for an hour trying to find the best one. Then, I realized...they're all the best one.
8:11 PM Dec 1st
from web
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I have never seen a Snausage in a Blanket that I didn't want to devour.
4:59 PM Nov 27th
from web
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Nothing is more heartwarming than a mass text message to everyone in your address book wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving.
9:33 AM Nov 26th
from web
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How do you throw away a garbage can?
12:39 PM Nov 23rd
from twidroid
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There is a reality TV show on VH1 called "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew." A dozen sex addicts living together in a house can't possibly go wrong.
11:20 AM Nov 17th
from web
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Every time I see a lone glove lying on the sidewalk or nestled in the bushes, I still think of O.J. Simpson.
10:27 AM Nov 14th
from web
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For the longest time, I thought a "five finger discount" meant performing a specific sexual favor in order to get something for free.
8:29 PM Nov 12th
from web
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Choosing a shopping cart at the grocery store is overwhelming. What if I choose the one with a broken wheel? Or the sticky handle?
7:54 PM Nov 10th
from web
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Is anything better than a cancelled meeting? It's like finding an extra hour of life. Sometimes I schedule meetings just to cancel them.
12:27 PM Nov 9th
from web
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We experience daylight savings time every year. And yet, every year, I think it's so weird when it gets dark before 6:00pm.
11:24 AM Nov 6th
from web
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What if I put the recipient's address as the return address and didn't use a stamp? Isn't that a major loophole in the postal system?
2:48 PM Nov 5th
from web
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I used to be addicted to hand sanitizer. To me, H1N1 is like placing a bottle of top shelf liquor in front of an alcoholic.
6:35 AM Nov 5th
from web
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On my first attempt, I always put my fitted sheet on the wrong way. On my second attempt, it's still wrong. How is that possible?
4:05 PM Nov 4th
from web
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They say money can't buy happiness. But money can buy a boat. You ever seen an unhappy person on a boat? Not possible.
12:46 PM Oct 28th
from web
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I wonder if Purell released the Swine Flu into our world.
10:42 AM Oct 16th
from web
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I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
6:16 AM Sep 25th
from web
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