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fistsoffolly

  1. I'm pretty sure that I've come down with a mild case of DYING. Fever, chills, everything hurts and not even cake is helping. Game over, man.
  2. My need for new living arrangements just got heartbreakingly critical.
  3. Thus endeth religious tweeting. (For the time being.)
  4. And, yes, I am aware of the unloving irony of that last tweet.
  5. People who turn Christianity from a love-based religion to a fear-based religion should be consigned to the Hell they are so worried about.
  6. Over the years, the tone of my social anxiety has changed. Now playing: "Oh God, please don't let my chin hairs be visible in this light."
  7. "I don't know, but I think steamed rice shouldn't be so...crunchy." Everyone's a critic. (This is why I don't cook.)
  8. The Golden Rule: It Works, Bitchez!
  9. I have a very difficult time with hateful people. Also, people who engage in retributive acts of meanness and call it "justified." Gah!
  10. There are several theories put forward regarding the Grinch's grumpiness, but I'd like to suggest that he might have been wearing a thong.
  11. Strangely discouraging fact: Josef Mengele was only 32 when he performed his atrocities at Auschwitz. Even evil is more precocious than me.
  12. Huh. This mayo expired 6 months ago. But really, what could go wrong, right?
  13. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...delayed typo recognition. It's like when you stub your toe but it takes a second to feel the pain. HATE.
  14. "It's fall, fuckfaces. You're either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you're not." http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2...
  15. All time low? Remote control in hand, I watched 20 minutes of an infomercial BECAUSE I WAS TO LAZY TO MOVE MY FINGER.
  16. Was any exotic animal skin left out by the costume designers of the Matrix movies? Those characters sure do love their fancy leathers.
  17. My dream soundtrack last night was a strange mix of Beastie Boys and Wilco with a side of Mel Torme and the "Cat Scratch Fever" wingnut.
  18. You know, Twitter, how you're always complaining that I only tweet about my horribly depressing days? Well, today was entirely glorious.
  19. @yodelmachine In Latin? Because it's difficult to think of something much hotter than that. Unless she's also naked. TELL ME SHE'S NAKED.
  20. @alinasmith I find your quest admirable. Add some rum, and I'll join you in this venture.