fireland
- I think when you see how happy Daddy is on his new jet ski with his new chest hair you'll forget all about wanting to go to college.11:07 AM Nov 6th from web
- I still think of you whenever I smell old books or hear babies crying or get kicked in the nuts or see you on Girls Gone Wild.10:05 AM Nov 5th from web
- "Dad, are angels real?" "Yep." "They're watching over us?" "Every minute of every goddamn day." "Dad, I'm scared." "Me too, champ. Me too."4:36 PM Nov 4th from web
- Hey nerds: 1) Make a blog that's just pictures of your muscles. 2) Buy a dumptruck to carry all the poon you're gonna get. 3) And I'm out.10:51 AM Nov 3rd from web
- I ran away from home two days ago and my wife still hasn't come looking for me! It's not like she doesn't know where my boyfriend's loft is!10:00 AM Nov 2nd from web
- I'm eating fun-size Halloween candy and drinking airplane bottles of gin. I feel like a giant! J/K I feel so terribly small.9:14 AM Oct 30th from web
- So when you said we'd be "going Dutch" on this date, you did NOT mean butt sex, right? OK, just checking. I hear the duck is superb.1:03 PM Oct 29th from web
- Yes but there are also some benefits to having an extremely small penis. Here's a pamphlet that—ok, yeah, cool, call me?6:39 PM Oct 28th from web
- Yes of course these panties and Nair and Twilight audiobook are for my Halloween costume now just ring it up and DON'T LOOK AT ME9:49 AM Oct 27th from web
- For 18 years, you feed them, clothe them, nurture them. But as soon as you uncuff them, they catch the first flight back to Bangkok.9:03 AM Oct 26th from web
- Just bought a little wedding chapel for my model train set. Someday I'll get married there and SHUT UP MA YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT10:52 AM Oct 16th from web
- Before we have children, you should probably know that the men in my family have a history of autoerotic asphyxiation.10:58 AM Oct 15th from web
- Sick beats, hot shorties, no cover? Where have high school dances been all my life? Girl, you wanna get freaky with a guy who can VOTE?11:09 AM Oct 14th from web
- Looking up at the stars, I feel so small, so insignificant. I guess I'll go inside and make my kid shine my shoes.9:57 AM Oct 13th from web
- If I pay for my wife's implants, will I get visitation rights when we get divorced? I just want weekends and holidays.5:52 PM Oct 12th from web
- Your lust for power doomed 700 men to a watery grave. Yes, you sank my battleship—but at what cost to your soul? Now go to your room.12:16 PM Oct 9th from web
- Can't concentrate with the window washer staring at me. Since when are they allowed to work naked and...and aroused?8:13 AM Oct 8th from web
- I'm sorry I amputated the wrong leg but I just drank a case of Coors Light, m'kay? Yeah well good luck catching me, Hopalong.11:53 AM Oct 7th from web
- I see you noticed the life-sized photo of me pouring Midori all over my waxed, nude body. It truly is the centerpiece of my cubicle.10:40 AM Oct 6th from web
- I like to shriek and brandish a trident while peeing in a mailbox. It keeps the weirdos away.9:05 AM Oct 5th from web
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