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  1. Robert Repino can disassemble and reassemble a Swingline 747 Classic stapler in 8 seconds, blindfolded.
  2. Robert Repino doesn't shop for clothes. He finds a fashionable stranger, snaps his neck, and swaps outfits.
  3. Robert Repino wants a girl with an ass like Susan Sontag and a rack like Joan Didion.
  4. This concludes Rick Moody's "Some Contemporary Characters." Thanks for reading.
  5. **END**
  6. Like a week later I saw him through the window in that coffee shop. Looking at his watch, contemplating his different conception of time.
  7. I’d already friended her, and I confess I felt sad when reading her posts, though can you really be sad about a bunch of ones and zeroes?
  8. Started following his status updates, because I needed to vet them, you know, but also because I was curious. I mean, they were about me.
  9. I knew she was going to post about it. I decided it wouldn’t be the actual mutual-assured-destruction account unless I posted too.
  10. Ariel said I needed to get right back on the horse, the dead horse, so first thing I did was sign on OkCupid. Any activity?
  11. I watched as some fellow accosted her on the sidewalk—for loose change, I suppose. In that moment I seethed with jealousy.
  12. I watched him head into the crosswalk and almost get run over by a bicyclist, and then I called Ariel and told her that I was in one piece.
  13. No one would have ever thought I knew her, except from Casual Encounters on Craigslist or because I needed help with my affairs.
  14. No one would have thought I ever knew him, except that maybe I walked his dog for him or something, or typed his correspondence.
  15. Ninth Street, it was, when she turned east toward the park, and I could see her receding, an actual person receding.
  16. “I’ll call you,” he said, which meant, I guess that he wouldn’t call at all, but he thought he should say something.
  17. “I’ll call you,” I said, which meant, I think, that I devoutly wished to call, but that something was likely to prevent me.
  18. I kissed him good night because I was kissing goodbye to all the old guys and their nostalgia and shaky confidence and felt tip pens.
  19. But then we were kissing good night, and I didn’t know why except that this is the custom. Like Judas summoning the Roman guard.
  20. He said, “We could just start the conversation over as though we haven’t met. You could even play my part. It’s a small effort.”