ferretthimself
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My wife just commanded me to give her my pants. This would be more exciting if it wasn't laundry night.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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...and of course, the first reply is from a porn spambot keying off the word "Amanda." Well, I guess that IS how Twitter works.
about 8 hours ago
from web
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My niece Amanda wants to know how Twitter works. So say hello to Amanda, folks!
about 8 hours ago
from TweetDeck
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My inner punk is shrieking and clawing his eyes, but dammit Older Me thinks that Owl City is pretty damn good music.
about 14 hours ago
from web
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The uglier the person, the more dramatic the angle of the "good" photo. And Lordy, I do not exempt myself.
about 15 hours ago
from web
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The tree sighed, a reluctant sound, like blankets rustling to the floor after a long night of snuggling.
about 17 hours ago
from web
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Using Crystal Light packets to turn my bottled water into Fruit Punch makes me happy; I pretend it's dried Tru Blood.
about 19 hours ago
from web
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Looking at photos of The Winchester House, I wonder? Why can't Donald Trump go crazy like that? Or Martha Stewart?
6:01 PM Nov 28th
from TweetDeck
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Watching QVC now. The ladies who sell makeup are so inhumanly gilded that they terrify me. Tap them; their faces will crack like porcelain.
10:46 AM Nov 28th
from web
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The tree's veiny trunk was split like a broccoli stalk, but it had a sheened plastic pink look like Barbie doll skin.
10:09 AM Nov 28th
from web
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@ Ah. I knew you'd gotten the appointment to HAVE it shattered, but I thought as an emergency it would be done by now. Ooops!
10:07 AM Nov 28th
from web
in reply to omgjulia
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@ Would, but I'm busy with Under the Dome. Maybe in January?
9:29 AM Nov 28th
from web
in reply to catvalente
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@ That giant stone is gonna have to come out eventually, IIRC. Yeah, it's painful as all hell, but better out than in.
9:28 AM Nov 28th
from web
in reply to omgjulia
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Dear fly: If you'd left me alone and taken advantage of the space, you'd still be alive now. Darwin would like to have a talk with you.
8:35 AM Nov 28th
from web
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Dear fly: you have 1,400 square feet of room to buzz around in. Why are you so fascinated by my face?
8:07 AM Nov 28th
from web
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Between Alan Moore's Swamp Thing and Ripley's Believe It Or Not TV show, I am ridiculously stoked for tomorrow's trip. Reports later.
10:29 PM Nov 27th
from web
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@ Did you make a hole with the gun perpendicular again?
10:26 PM Nov 27th
from web
in reply to montykins
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Oh, my sister-in-law is going to kill me when she gets her birthday present. Watch this space.
3:10 PM Nov 27th
from TweetDeck
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"That's what relatives are for: to take you shopping for fake rocks when no one else will."
1:21 PM Nov 27th
from TweetDeck
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He got Joseph K. Knowles’ broccoli out of the bag,wrapped it in Lori’s goodbye note,crumpled them in his fist. He buried them together.
9:08 AM Nov 27th
from web
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- Name Ferrett Steinmetz
- Location Rocky River, OH
- Web http://theferrett...
- Bio Ferrett is a writer. He thinks. Maybe he's not. Yet where do all these words come from?
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![Sarah [Pseudonym]](http://a3.twimg.com/profile_images/405404409/sarahbuttonicon_mini.jpg){kind=small}