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feaverish

  1. @tyler_thompson Thanks, man! I was wondering where all my traffic was coming from :)11:43 AM May 20th from Tweetie in reply to tyler_thompson
  2. The condom I've had in my wallet for months turned out to be the beef flavor packet from some ramen. Now I'm not getting any action OR soup.4:57 PM May 6th from Birdhouse
  3. Kind of sad the most juvenile band names I could come up with were Poodenda and Urethra Franklin :-(3:44 PM May 3rd from Birdhouse
  4. Who knew Rock Out With Your Cock Out was just an expression? Besides the security guard at this Jonas Bros. concert, I mean.12:56 AM May 3rd from Birdhouse
  5. It's such a cliche that everything tastes better when you eat it off a stripper's chest, but these nachos really are exceptional.8:02 PM Apr 24th from Birdhouse
  6. @jenaardell Hey just saw you on decor8!! http://bit.ly/NDGAv5:18 PM Apr 21st from Tweetie in reply to jenaardell
  7. At first I was all like "whoa when did I get this taser and handcuffs?" but then I was like "haha nevermind these aren't even my pants."11:04 PM Apr 20th from Birdhouse
  8. You know that arm signal you do to get semis to blow their horns? It has a VERY different meaning in this bar. What gets blood out of latex?10:23 PM Apr 18th from Birdhouse
  9. @jenaardell check yer email5:42 PM Apr 16th from Twitterrific in reply to jenaardell
  10. @dannown plugging your fingers into a stranger's levee?4:18 PM Apr 16th from Twitterrific in reply to dannown
  11. @dannown ha! c'est vrai…3:21 PM Apr 15th from Twitterrific in reply to dannown
  12. What's it called when you can't think of the word you're looking for?2:52 PM Apr 15th from Birdhouse
  13. Tonight's near-death experience was brought to you by: Toyota - makers of the Really Fucking Hard To Hear Prius, and by the Yoga Moms of LA.7:16 PM Apr 14th from Birdhouse
  14. Been trying to work on my ego, but it's hard for me to get over how awesome it is for me to do something like that.9:51 AM Apr 11th from web
  15. Folding my girlfriend's tiny underwear. Next time I'm gonna do it inside a bottle with those long tweezers. Where's my loupe!?8:55 PM Apr 5th from Twitterrific
  16. How come the second I take my shirt off people start poking me in the belly? Worst brunch ever. I'm never coming to this restaurant again.11:00 AM Apr 4th from Twitterrific
  17. Friday night at the police station. The cavity search was the most tender AND productive I've had in this precinct. They found my iPod!!1:01 AM Apr 4th from Twitterrific
  18. The only time I miss being a baby is when I see one hurl a tiny stomachfull of half-digested breastmilk into an adoring adult's gaping mouth7:42 AM Mar 30th from web
  19. In the shower scene of my life, today is the frothy part.8:44 PM Mar 29th from Twitterrific
  20. "Your crotch is reliably warm". Aww...thanks, baby. "And your armpits". Ok...sure. "And your butt crack..." This conversation is over...5:25 PM Mar 29th from Twitterrific