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fakemongo

  1. Anyone have a favorite online source for laser-resistant beryllium cat exoskeletons? Already tried Etsy.
  2. People say "You're using taxpayer money to build a giant space laser!" like it's a bad thing.
  3. Took advantage of today's fantastic doorbuster sale at A. Schwab's. I've been meaning to replace my doorbusters for months.
  4. Workmen are here to install city hall's new Ten Commandments sculpture. I mean the Zambodian Commandments. Oh God, not those other ones LOL.
  5. I don't want to spoil anything, but people in the future are total dicks.
  6. Mongo from the future? More like, ROBOT Mongo from the future! Nice try, Future Reptiliods.
  7. On the advice of Mayor Mongo from the Future, I have disbanded the Time Travel Action Committee.
  8. Just appointed my new Time Travel Action Committee. Told them I need some fresh ideas on my desk by no later than June 1973.
  9. The AI has been neutralized.
  10. Tried to have lunch at Britling's Buffet in Raleigh, but apparently it's been closed for well over two decades. The city council enrages me!
  11. Well, Jimmy Olsen, I guess that depends on what you mean by "barricaded in your office."
  12. Think of all the little Draconian children who won't get to ride the lunar waterslide this year. Was it worth it, NASA?
  13. T.G.I.F.!
  14. Want to end daycare van tragedies in Memphis? Start at the source. From now on, driving a van is punishable by death. BOOM. Fixed.
  15. Feeding COGICs to the Eel People will buy us a little time. Now I have to deal with an AI problem. I'm thinking hard reboot.
  16. Of course "To Serve COGIC" is a cookbook. Don't you Earthlings ever watch your own TV? Now get in the damn spaceship and start marinating!
  17. Busy day loading COGIC members into "evacuation saucers".
  18. How many times do I have to deny rumor that animal shelter busts are political payback for pet vote? Mayor Mongo cares, OK?
  19. Contemplating my first Mayoral Decree. Which sounds better: Naked Thursdays or Naked Sundays?
  20. Odd. Awoke this morning to find nary a shred of post-Halloween toilet paper strewn about the royal lawn. Had to roll the place myself.