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FakeAPStylebook

  1. Electoral College - Not a college, but a cabal of shadow-people who elect the president and control global finance.
  2. "Hacker" simply means "a person who is skilled with computers." To describe a computer criminal, use "Linux user."
  3. "Niggardly" is just asking for trouble, so really, just don't.
  4. @cfCollision: Please see our section "Stuff That Will Never Happen to You as Long as You're Making a Journalist's Salary."
  5. @sarklei: A representative from the Candle Makers' Guild informs us that Chanukah starts with C if we know what's good for us.
  6. Make a Lorena Bobbitt reference every few years to maintain an audience for your Lorena Bobbitt references.
  7. @pbump "Expat" is jargon and should not be used unless specifically referring to people no longer named Pat.
  8. @zup2u2 We do not respond to questions from the powerful anti-turkey burger lobby.
  9. Scientists are always "baffled," never "intrigued," "curious," or "not giving a shit about this Bigfoot evidence."
  10. @BethanyDaigle If you're like Blair, then no. If you're like Serena, then yes. If you're like Jenny, just shut up already.
  11. Italicize words to give your story that gangsta lean.
  12. Use "can of whup-ass" only, as whup-ass is not sold in jars, squeeze tubes or resealable bags.
  13. When interviewing Bill Clinton, remind him that he owes us ten bucks.
  14. Remember, "Frisbee" is a brand name. For generic versions of the toy, use "frisbee."
  15. @IsaacWood Why the hostility? The staff always says nice things about YOU.
  16. There is no hyphen in "postpartum depression." Those are reserved for real, male diseases.
  17. @josecastillo Avoid complicated year-to-year dollar conversions by driving readers away with long screeds about the gold standard.
  18. All mentions of Beyonce should be followed by at least three "hominas."
  19. Note the party affiliation of all members of Congress except independents. Call them "loose cannons who don't play by the rules."
  20. If spelling out an acronym such as WTF or FUBAR, be sensitive to readers who dislike cursing by writing "fuck" in a whisper.