Get short, timely messages from Bryan Swift.

Twitter is a rich source of instantly updated information. It's easy to stay updated on an incredibly wide variety of topics. Join today and follow @FaceHeadAss.

Get updates via SMS by texting follow FaceHeadAss to 40404 in the United States
Codes for other countries

Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:
Country Code For customers of
Australia
  • 0198089488 Telstra
Canada
  • 21212 (any)
United Kingdom
  • 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
Indonesia
  • 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel
Ireland
  • 51210 O2
India
  • 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon
Jordan
  • 90903 Zain
New Zealand
  • 8987 Vodafone, Telecom NZ
United States
  • 40404 (any)

FaceHeadAss

  1. In Soviet Russia, YOU tear MONKEY'S face off!
  2. Iggy Azalea is this generation's version of Spinal Tap, right?
  3. Calvin peeing on something? Fuck that. This is TAZ PEEING ON TAZ. instagr.am/p/K_aB6gPh-f/
  4. Lana Del Rey's nostrils.
  5. Soy milk should be called Bean Juice.
  6. Now you too can remove skin tags in the comfort of your own home! instagr.am/p/K3VqULPh17/
  7. Isn't it about time we all got over this whole "wearing pants" fad?
  8. This anti-psychotic is driving me crazy.
  9. When really pretty girls wear nerd glasses, it's kind of a "fuck you" to actual nerdy girls who don't know how pretty they are.
  10. Nothing says "swag" like writing it in sharpie on your backpack. instagr.am/p/Kz2EGMvhyv/
  11. Lenny and Squiggy #namesformyfists
  12. Laverne and Shirley #namesformyfists
  13. Scylla and Charybdis #namesformyfists
  14. The only thing worse than people who still actively use the term "hipster" are people who still actively hate hipsters.
  15. @AnnWelzein Try not to get tased.
  16. Damn you feelings, you suck.
  17. I don't know much about investing or the stock market, but I do know this: don't buy Facebook stock at $38/share.
  18. Aren't you glad you don't smell like a fish tank?
  19. Imagine a threesome with Lindsay Lohan and Paz De La Huerta. Would anyone make it out of that bedroom alive?