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evehorizon

  1. i wish i could fake interested as well as i fake interesting
  2. @edenray i'm not sure if i can reach that far.
  3. Holder Considering Torture Probe - AP I'd like to recommend my urologist.
  4. I just learned how to nap my way through parts of the day I don't like. I will use this power for good.
  5. @barb_mallon i am not the kind of sick that generally makes the news, but thank you!
  6. @ShawnaF i think it's spelled SKYY, but I HEAR YOU.
  7. dear god, i don't believe you exist but if you want to convert me please send neko case to my door next time instead of jehovah's witnesses.
  8. if there is anything you want me to vomit on in montana, now is the time to ask.
  9. most of you are too young to remember when spin the bottle was refereed by the milkman.
  10. I'm in that in-between period of my life where I don't know if I prefer sex or golf. AT LEAST WITH GOLF YOU GET A TROPHY. tie = broken
  11. Drinking bacon grease-vodka chaser out of our 1st place low gross trophy! The other 120 players are drinking FAIL. BRING THE HOOKERS WE WON.
  12. things i have in common with jesus - 1. capricorn 2. rarely seen in pants
  13. if you believe in the power of prayer, please remember my golf handicap.
  14. Today is our annual golf tournament. The 1 day of the year I show up to work without a service animal, wet nurse or IV drip.
  15. Although I'm not supposed to be drinking this week, maybe I'll have 1 tequila shot watching @whoorl on Rachael Ray today.
  16. @peevish Really I meant Jakob Dylan from Beverly Hills 90210 McDermot Mulroney e. cummings.
  17. dylan mcdermott is 1 david e. kelley serious look away from looking permanently like david schwimmer. CHOOSE YOUR NEXT MOVIE WISELY, DYLAN
  18. @sinda I know! I should start a dating service called LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. I'm sure that's not taken.
  19. @Blogography i have sooo...wait, this feels deja vu... IT'S A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX!!!
  20. if the concept of 'soul mate' adheres to simple statistics, odds are your true love is poor, hungry and ISN'T FOLLOWING YOU ON TWITTER.