EthanSuplee
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Sorry Shel Silverstein but I don't get it. My kids keep telling me I'm the tree and I'm not entirely OK with that.
about 18 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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What's a good fad diet to try? Babies are generally small, considering a week of that pap to recover from the coming gluttony.
about 18 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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I'm pretty sure The Giving Tree has sent the wrong lesson to my kids. My severed limbs would not be a fun toy for them!
about 23 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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The trees swayed silently, watching the loggers and wanting nothing more than some peaceful repose, perhaps as a cabin or some toilet paper.
about 23 hours ago
from UberTwitter
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"Stop using that word! Fair?! Life's not fair and we're not Communists so get over it."
10:39 AM Nov 23rd
from UberTwitter
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"Here's the difference kids, my idea of Santa is fun, your delusion is starting to scare me a little."
9:49 AM Nov 23rd
from UberTwitter
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I often try to trick myself into not sweating by putting on a sweatshirt. It's my own version of reverse child psychology.
12:59 PM Nov 22nd
from UberTwitter
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The concert is finally over and I'll be honest, I clapped the loudest because, it's finally over.
12:36 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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Yes Taylor, she does wear short skirts...but what she DOESN'T do is tell him where he belongs. He isn't an object Taylor.
1:47 PM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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On second thought: I think we'd see a spike in suicides if life were turned into a musical. Lets trim the fat!
12:49 PM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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Poorly worded.
9:58 AM Nov 21st
from UberTwitter
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Whenever in a porta-potty I have just one relevant thought: I REALLY hope my phone doesn't jump out of my pocket and into the miasmic abyss.
7:43 PM Nov 20th
from UberTwitter
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I'm a bit of a hot head and that's not entirely due to the hat and ear muffs, I also have a feverish lust for parcheesi.
6:43 PM Nov 20th
from UberTwitter
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@ Hey, there's always good old for-profit prisons to fall back on! One day there will be riots to get in.
10:57 AM Nov 20th
from UberTwitter
in reply to daxshepard1
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Health-care cliff notes, page 1: Everyone gets Health-care, page 2-2000+: Exactly how the senate gets a piece of the action.
8:32 PM Nov 19th
from UberTwitter
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The Health-care bill is over 2,000 pages long. I wish the senate was regulated by twitter.
6:57 PM Nov 19th
from UberTwitter
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Clerk: "What are you looking for?" Me: "Well, I felt my life was lacking in poorly veiled attacks on my questionable character..."
12:40 PM Nov 19th
from UberTwitter
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I get great service everywhere in Beverly Hills, 93% because they want me out of their stores as fast as possible, 7% charity.
12:10 PM Nov 19th
from UberTwitter
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Pineapple, not really anything like pine or apple, thank god too because that would be gross.
11:19 PM Nov 18th
from web
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I think we'd see a pretty sharp decline in suicides if life was turned into a musical.
9:32 AM Nov 18th
from UberTwitter
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- Verified Account
- Name Ethan Suplee
- Location LA
- Web http://www.ethans...
- Bio Formerly I made a living on television pretending to be someone vastly more intelligent than I actually am...
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