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essdogg

I could make a billion dollars if I could figure out a way to teach people how to sleep with their eyes open.

Saw a dude today wearing a shirt with the same pattern as my boxers. Made me feel a little violated.
hee hee...Tim Gunn just said "caucus"...hee hee...
@thebaggageclaim TOTALLY. That girl is salty! She's entertaining but obviously a total pain in the ass.
Holy crap! There's a dude from Salt Lake City on Project Runway. Deseret Represent! Unless he sucks, in which case I'm a South Carolinian.
I have no use for people whose political views are solely driven by how much they pay in taxes.
Wife watched Law & Order for three hours tonight. I lasted 90 mins before I had to excuse myself for making Fred Thompson jokes.
One downside of not smoking is that you aren't nearly as up-to-date on office gossip and politics since you miss all of those smoke breaks.
Oh SNAP! My book is the No. 1 wedding book on Amazon.ca. That means I've sold like 5 copies in Canada. Go Canucks! http://tinyurl.com/5al64s
Home early. Rachel Ray is basically Rikki Lake with a kitchen, isn't she?
Wife thinks I'm having affairs with Twitterers, so I reminded her of my "seduction skills." She had a good laugh and moved on.
Why do my photos always show up sideways when I post to Twitpic through Twittedific? Argh.
This is just a little strange: http://twitpic.com/4snh
Proof it's time to lose weight: The boy has decided my belly is his own personal jump castle.
Wife: What're you doing without me? Me: Watching old Heroes and Daily Show episodes on my laptop. Wife: Pitiful. Me: It's a life.
We had dinner tonight at the Longhorn Steakhouse—basically Chili's meets Outback. Don't ask why. I think somebody kidnapped our souls.
Some guys love to talk while standing at the urinal. Others think it's weird and awkward. I fall into the latter category.
"I'm amazed when people reveal their drunkassness in their Facebook pics," said the guy with pics of himself wearing a powder blue tux.
I heart Zooey Deschanel. She's not so great a singer but she looks lovely in a cowgirl getup. http://tinyurl.com/54q2kp
There's something life-affirming about selling major appliances on Craigslist.