essdogg
I could make a billion dollars if I could figure out a way to teach people how to sleep with their eyes open.
| Saw a dude today wearing a shirt with the same pattern as my boxers. Made me feel a little violated. |
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| hee hee...Tim Gunn just said "caucus"...hee hee... |
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| @thebaggageclaim TOTALLY. That girl is salty! She's entertaining but obviously a total pain in the ass. |
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| Holy crap! There's a dude from Salt Lake City on Project Runway. Deseret Represent! Unless he sucks, in which case I'm a South Carolinian. |
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| I have no use for people whose political views are solely driven by how much they pay in taxes. |
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| Wife watched Law & Order for three hours tonight. I lasted 90 mins before I had to excuse myself for making Fred Thompson jokes. |
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| One downside of not smoking is that you aren't nearly as up-to-date on office gossip and politics since you miss all of those smoke breaks. |
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| Oh SNAP! My book is the No. 1 wedding book on Amazon.ca. That means I've sold like 5 copies in Canada. Go Canucks! http://tinyurl.com/5al64s |
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| Home early. Rachel Ray is basically Rikki Lake with a kitchen, isn't she? |
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| Wife thinks I'm having affairs with Twitterers, so I reminded her of my "seduction skills." She had a good laugh and moved on. |
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| Why do my photos always show up sideways when I post to Twitpic through Twittedific? Argh. |
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| This is just a little strange: http://twitpic.com/4snh |
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| Proof it's time to lose weight: The boy has decided my belly is his own personal jump castle. |
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| Wife: What're you doing without me? Me: Watching old Heroes and Daily Show episodes on my laptop. Wife: Pitiful. Me: It's a life. |
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| We had dinner tonight at the Longhorn Steakhouse—basically Chili's meets Outback. Don't ask why. I think somebody kidnapped our souls. |
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| Some guys love to talk while standing at the urinal. Others think it's weird and awkward. I fall into the latter category. |
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| "I'm amazed when people reveal their drunkassness in their Facebook pics," said the guy with pics of himself wearing a powder blue tux. |
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| I heart Zooey Deschanel. She's not so great a singer but she looks lovely in a cowgirl getup. http://tinyurl.com/54q2kp |
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| There's something life-affirming about selling major appliances on Craigslist. |
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