epochblue
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If you ask me, the Mayan calendar ends on Dec 21, 2012 because they got tired of writing.
4:08 PM Nov 16th
from Twitterrific
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Ludacris was on to something. If you must have multiple hoes, the least you can do is keep them in different area codes.
4:17 PM Nov 12th
from Birdhouse
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When you start thinking 'I need to cut my fingernails' is a perfectly valid excuse to take a break, your workday is already a lost cause.
12:52 PM Nov 12th
from Twitterrific
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Somehow, I walked into a liquor store, bought 6 bottles of liquor, and still left with a to-buy list longer than the one I started with.
5:39 PM Nov 7th
from Twitterrific
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I didnt realize today was "Bring Your Slowest Employee To Work" Day...
11:04 AM Nov 7th
from Tweetie
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I'm not buying this Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon business. These commercials don't sync up at all.
7:45 AM Nov 7th
from Birdhouse
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A subtle, but important distinction: your coffee should taste "earthy", not "like dirt".
7:48 AM Nov 5th
from web
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OH in the office: "Yeah. That'll teach him to blow in my ear while I'm peeing."
2:05 PM Nov 4th
from Birdhouse
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The towels in this hotel are just soft enough to be used as low-grit sandpaper.
6:14 AM Nov 3rd
from web
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Oh my, it feels nice out. So nice out I just might leave it out all day.
8:50 AM Nov 1st
from Twitterrific
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Girls have Halloween easy: they just wear less and call it a "sexy" something. I went for Sexy Cowboy. I look absurd in these assless chaps.
2:55 PM Oct 31st
from Birdhouse
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If you want to see someone struggle to get things done, just watch me try to do work on a Friday afternoon.
12:24 PM Oct 23rd
from Tweetie
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Double cappuccinos as good as the one @ made me earlier should be illegal. For everyone but me, of course.
2:20 PM Oct 21st
from Tweetie
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@ "intelligent user comments" are a lot like dodo birds: they existed once, but we're pretty sure they're extinct now.
11:11 AM Oct 19th
from Tweetie
in reply to blm849
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Man am I glad she passed...I had *no idea* what I was going to say to her if she didn't.
10:18 AM Oct 16th
from Tweetie
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RT @: I fought the law and I KICKED ITS ASS! (passed the Tennessee bar)
9:04 AM Oct 16th
from Tweetie
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"You know how people say never to go grocery shopping with a buzz?" ..... "What? People don't say that?"
4:18 PM Oct 15th
from Birdhouse
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@ I think you grossly over estimate the coolness of the typical Tumblr user...
4:42 PM Oct 12th
from Tweetie
in reply to al3x
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Furniture you have to build yourself is just LEGOs for adults.
4:33 PM Oct 11th
from Tweetie
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I ran 14363m before my wife threatened to divorce me because I won't stop playing this game.
7:14 AM Oct 11th
from Tweetie
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- Name Bill Israel
- Location Nashville, TN
- Web http://cubicle17....
- Bio 2 parts coffee to 1 part music. Shake and garnish with a slice of smartass.
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